Today I've been wondering about the idea of spending more quality time with my children. Like most good mothers, I'm usually feeling torn between all my different responsibilities -- keeping a clean and comfortable home, fixing healthy and tasty meals, and loving, teaching and enjoying my children -- to name a few. And I'm usually setting goals to do better at enjoying and loving my children. I begin again each week with the idea that I'm going to play with them more, read more stories, go on more walks, just enjoy being with them.
So today again I started out with ambitions of really having some quality kid time. We read some stories, Sammie sat on my lap while I browsed blogs and checked emails (and don't tell me that's NOT quality time! It's a great sacrifice on my part, so of COURSE it's quality! ha!), I took extra time doing her hair and helping her dress -- even though she's perfectly capable of dressing herself. And I spent time with Spencer, too; I cuddled him in a blanket for an extra five minutes after he finished his bottle this morning. I played with him and gave him full attention until Samantha woke up. After his nap, I did more cuddling with him, etc. We even went on a walk this afternoon (albeit a very short one because it started snowing on us in our spring jackets, brr!!)
The tricky part about all this quality time is that the more time I spend with them, the more time they EXPECT me to spend with them. Because I was so friendly and cuddly with Spencer in the morning and after his nap, he was on my heels ALL afternoon, under my feet, tugging at my pant leg, wanting to be held. Because we read some stories together before lunch, Sammie wanted MORE stories later. She wanted a LONGER walk when we were coming back from our freeezing cold walk. She whined and complained and whimpered and told me her feelings were very sad when I asked her NOT to sit on my lap while I typed a quick 2-minute email response before signing off the computer (even after she'd been sitting there for 15 mins).
"The more you do, the more you're asked to do." I learned that on my mission, and I'm gathering that it must apply to motherhood too? But there's got to be a balance somewhere, right? I mean, I DO want my kids to know I'm there for them and that I really, really enjoy being with them. But I also want them to know how to entertain themselves and be a little bit autonomous, I think? Therefore, it troubles me that when I do really try to do a little extra and show a little more love and patience, I end up with more demanding kids. And then I feel even MORE torn with all those other "house-y" responsibilities.
The classic example is the kid who cries and throws a fit when it's time to leave the neighbor's birthday party. That's my kid... literally. Most of the time when we try to do something fun, something out of the normal routine, Samantha has a wonderful time, enjoys every second, but then gets soooo sad and whiney at the end that I vow NEVER AGAIN!
Hmmm... No solutions to this just yet. Right now I'm just puzzling my dilemma. Anyone else been through similar stuff? I imagine it's a common situation with parenting. We'll get there, eventually. For now, goodbye, Monday!
4 comments:
Kamber -
I unfortunately have no solutions for you. I was just hoping someone ELSE brilliant had posted a response on here. :)
I am reading a book right now: How to Talk so your Kids will Listen and Listen so they'll Talk. It's really fabulous.... AND IT WORKS. Love it. Not sure that it really applies here, but it's a parenting book... !!!
Will be checking back for everyone else's responses! :)
I actually never really experienced this problem. I did find that the more time I made to spend with my kids, the more I wanted to spend time with them. They didn't seem to be more clingy or needy. Hu. Don't know what to tell you.
Kam, I can't remember what I did as a Mom when all you kids were growing up. But I'm thinking it's pretty normal and natural to want more of a good thing, once we have it. As I was thinking about my relationship with my husband--(your dad)--I find that when we're enjoying ourselves and having nice, close feelings with each other, I just don't want them to get OVER. I want us to stay together, doing more and MORE together, having MORE of the same good feelings. So I bet your two little kidlets are taking after their GRANDMA!! (...sorry...)
Oh, and there's a cool Country song out now by a black guy named Darius Rucker (or something like that), and it says..."It Won't Be Like This For Long", and as I listen to it, almost every single time...it makes tears come to my eyes, 'cause it's SO TRUE!! They won't be wanting you like this for long, Babe. (I do know, though, that it's hard to keep up with every thing that's expected of you--so just keep on keeping on...You're doing GREAT!!) Love, Mom
I find it is easier to have times of the day where we do something together, and then I tell them that its now time for them to be alone. Then they know that if they leave me alone for "quiet time" then we'll go out again and do something fun. I need my alone time, and its good for them to have alone time. I give them two choices read or sleep. If they do something else, they don't get a choice, they go to bed. Tough mom, I know. But, it helps them and me!
As for throwing a fit, I might have told you this already, but I tell them before hand that they aren't allowed to cry when its time to go, or they won't be able to come back the next day (even if they weren't going to anyway). Plus, I tell them before I leave that we can leave now and cry, or they can leave happily and stay 1 more minute. If they don't, they go to bed since they must be too tired to be happy. Just an idea. Good luck.
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