About Grandma Eva's last few days

This is long. And has lots of tedious details that may not be too interesting to others. But I wanted to include my writings about those last days I got to spend with Grandma Eva. I wrote several pages not long after she passed away. Here they are...

This past week and a half has been one I want to remember always. My dear, wonderful Grandma Eva passed away last Wednesday morning, August 29, 2018 at 2:27 a.m. She had been feeling unwell for a few days. In fact, on the Saturday before, the nurses at The Gables (assisted living facility where Grandma and Doug have been living since June 15) said they think Grandma must have fallen and hurt her ribs. She started complaining of a pain below her left ribcage, just under her heart. No one saw her fall, and there wasn’t much bruising, but she would show them where it hurt and explain what it felt like, and it definitely sounded like a rib injury. Grandma has been having a hard time with her shortterm memory for the past several months, probably since before Christmas of last year. So, she wasn’t really sure what happened, but just knew she was hurting.

On Sunday, the nurse on duty at the Gables called my dad while he was at church and told him Grandma was not doing well at all and he needed to come see about her. He left church immediately and asked Keith Evans to give his priesthood lesson for him. Once he was with Grandma, a hospice nurse came and they started running a few tests on Grandma. Her oxygen level was quite low – down in the 70s or low 80s, and wouldn’t come up beyond that. They decided to put her on oxygen and see if that helped, and wait for the results of the test to come back.

My mom was in touch with me throughout the day on Sunday, letting me know what was happening with Grandma. I so appreciate being informed and am grateful she is always so willing to share and let me know what’s going on, especially about Grandma Eva. So, Monday morning, I had taken Camille to preschool and was making some fruit leather. Spencer was sick and had stayed home from school and was grinding some wheat kernels because he wanted us to make some whole wheat bread as a fun project. My mom called and said the hospice nurses didn’t think Eva had very much longer to live. According to the tests they had run on her, her heart was giving out. It was pumping erratically and was causing her oxygen levels to fluctuate. In addition, she didn’t seem to have much appetite and wasn’t drinking very much fluids. She had vomited on Sunday evening as well. All these were signs that her body was shutting down and that we probably only had a few more days with her.

It was all so sudden! She had been relatively fine with no real ailments for such a long time. I talked with my mom, then sat in our living room and just cried to myself for a long time, to think of possibly losing her. My mom had said there was a chance the hospice people could be wrong, and that Grandma might rally and get better, but she wasn’t sure… They told us to plan on 5-6 more days with her.

I went to Brian’s office and told him the news. He had seen the text chain my mom had sent, telling the whole Hone family some of these details. He hugged me and let me cry a little more, then told me, “If you want to go, I think you should go. I’m not busy, I can handle things here. I think you should go be with her, if you’d like to.”

I hesitated for a little while. It sounded so nice to get to go be with her. But life keeps going on around here and I do feel quite responsible for our little family and all our kids’ needs. So, I went around doing the house-work things I had planned for the day—laundry and dishes, and got my fruit leather in the oven. I even finished off Spencer’s whole wheat bread project and got it all ready to bake. I got Millie home from preschool, then packed myself up to go. I left around 3pm and drove straight through to Burley, listening to an audiobook. I stopped and got gas and answered some email, then drove on. I got there just around 7pm, to Grandma’s apartment at the Gables. She was sooo cute and so excited to see me! She seemed really lively and perky to me. My parents came in right after I got there, and said she was very much improved from what she had been on Sunday and Monday morning. They were pleasantly surprised to see her feeling quite a bit better.

She was super cute – I sat down on her little hospital bed and she said, “I think we ought to have a sleep over tonight, don’t you?” She scooted to one side of her bed and said, “You could just share this bed with me, don’t you think?” I smiled and laughed with her, and told her I’d probably just sleep at my parents’ house up the road.

At one point, my dad told her it was time to check her oxygen levels, and put the little clamp/reader on her finger. She asked, innocently, “What’s this for?” He started to tell her it’s to check her oxygen, but she cut him off with, “Is this a lie detector??” Then she winked and giggled a little. “Because I always tell the truth, you know?! See there…” she pointed at the reader that was by that point blinking with her oxygen reading. “See! It says, truth! truth! truth! truth!” And then she giggled a lot more while Dad shook his head and laughed under his breath, saying, “You’re in rare form tonight, Mom!” She just giggled some more and kept teasing a bit longer.

Then Trent and Melissa came and brought their kids to visit for a little bit. Grandma leaned in close to me and said, “You know they threw a little party for me here the other night. I think these guys are going to throw me another party, it looks like!” Melissa overheard and smiled and said, “Well, we brought ice cream, so I guess that’s good enough reason for a party!” She then served up ice cream to all the kids, and Grandma even ate five or six bites.

At another point that evening, while Trent and Mel’s kids were there, Grandma leaned over to me and said, “Well, I don’t know where everyone’s going to sleep! We’re going to have to find beds for everyone!” I told her I thought they’d probably just all go back and sleep at Trent’s house and she said, “Well, actually, Trent could just sleep in that bed, right there…” (pointing at Doug’s bed next to hers.) I told her, “I think Doug is sleeping there.” And she answered, “well, he could probably find somewhere else to sleep, just for one night, dontcha think?” I thought that was pretty cute. And then later she said, “Well, I guess I probably ought to get up and fix them something… Do you think they like meatloaf?” (We had been talking about how good her meatloaf is, a little bit earlier.

I brought her locket necklace the next morning. It was one that she gave me several years ago – it has pictures of her and Lynn inside it. She didn’t feel comfortable wearing it once she and Doug were married, so she gave it to me to keep all these years. It’s one of my favorites, and one my kids all know is extra special to me. While we were visiting, I pulled it out to show her. She didn’t seem to recognize it at first, so I opened it for her and showed her the pictures. I told her they were of her and Lynn. “Oh yes, dear Lynn. Oh we was so young and in love here. Look at us! How sweet.” A few minutes later, my dad came in. His back was to her, and he was talking to a nurse. She asked, “who’s that?” I told her it was Dennis. She then asked, “Oh, well, where’s Lynn? I haven’t seen him in such a long, long time.” Then, looking at my dad, she said, “They just look so much alike.”

Later, when I was talking to my dad, he said she hasn’t mentioned anything at all about Lynn for a very long time. I don’t know if it was because I brought the locket to show her, or if she was just getting close to the end and things were becoming a little more clear for her? I like to think it was a little of both.

I got to see Grandma four or five different times throughout the day on Tuesday. She wasn’t feeling really well and needed to rest. But I knew she wouldn’t want to rest if I just stayed there the whole time. Plus, others were coming to see her and needed some time with her. So I would visit for awhile, along with my mom, and then we’d leave for a bit. Each time I came back in her room again, she was sooo excited to see me. She would sit up a little and say, “Well, Kamber! Is that you?!” – like she hadn’t expected me and hadn’t just seen me a little while before. It was really sweet to see her excitement.

My mom brought in a sweet letter of memories that she had written to Grandma for her 90^th birthday, five years ago. She reread most of it to Eva, stopping at different points to reminisce about different things mentioned in the letter – canning and making jam out of the raspberries, camping trips and places Grandma always loved to visit, etc. Each time, Grandma would say, “Oh yes, I remember that, wasn’t that neat?” Or, “Oh wow! I don’t hardly remember that.”

At lunchtime, Grandma was feeling pretty weak and they had restricted her to complete bedrest, to help keep her oxygen levels steady… Apparently sometime Monday evening, before I had arrived, a nurse was helping her to the bathroom and Eva was really struggling to get enough oxygen. The nurse – I think her name was Megan— had helped put her oxygen mask right in her mouth and had her breathe some deep breaths to get her levels to come back up. Megan said it was very alarming and that she didn’t think Eva had the strength for another bathroom trip. As a result, they were keeping her on bedrest, and monitoring her oxygen levels very often. At one point when I came in, it looked like she was trying to get up. I gently helped her back into the bed and covered her up. I told her, “I think the nurses want you to stay in the bed for right now, Grandma.” She asked, kind of belligerently, “how come??” I said, “Well, they said it makes your oxygen levels come down too low, so you don’t get enough breath – since you’re not feeling very well.” Then she nodded and laid back down, like she understood what I was saying and why it was important. She kept lifting up her shirt to show me a spot on her ribs that was sore. I think she thought they were keeping her down because of that pain she was feeling in her ribs. I don’t think she knew she was close to the end, or, at least, she didn’t seem to remember for long if she did have thoughts about it.

Anyway, so for lunch, the nurses brought in some cream of mushroom soup with a big bowl and a big spoon. My dad suggested maybe I could help feed it to her, to save her strength, since I was sitting beside her on her bed. I imagine this is something he has been doing for her from time to time lately. It felt like such a treat to be helping her in this way. She took lots of good bites and told me that spoon was too big. It was! My mom and I were planning to bring her a better, smaller spoon the next day. She ate most of it, and talked to me about each of my kids, asking their names and what they’re doing nowadays. I showed her some pictures on my phone, then asked her some questions about her own sisters and memories she had with them. We talked about how she and Edna used to tap dance, and how she loved rollerskating so much. I teased her and told her we wouldn’t be bringing in any rollerskates, in case she got tempted to go skating around the Gables. She laughed, then shook her head, no, she wouldn’t be skating today!

In the evening, again, I got to help feed her some dinner. It was a kind of creamy chicken enchilada stuff with some rice and a yogurt fruit salad. She ate lots of bites of the chicken and rice, and all of the fruit. She really enjoyed the fruit and was happy to get every last bite! Doug’s granddaughter, Jennifer, came in with some flowers for Eva just as I finished helping her with dinner. So I left with my mom for a bit so Jennifer and her husband could have a visit. Mom and I went for a drive out to Thomas, to see and talk about places where my mom grew up and the whole area around there. That was nice to reminisce with her for awhile, too.

On our way back into town, we called my dad and told him to meet us back at the Gables, and then we’d go grab some dinner after another visit with Grandma. Again, as I came through the door to see her, Grandma sat up and said, “Well, Kamber! Is that you, honey?!” It was so sweet to hear her excitement. And yet, she also sounded so very tired and worn. I sat on the edge of her bed again and held her hands. They were so warm and soft. I told her, and she told me that my hands were too cold! Then she rubbed them, to warm them up. I got some Vaseline for her lips, because she said they were just dry and sore and uncomfortable. Both my parents sat over on Doug’s bed, and he was in his wheelchair at the foot of the bed watching television. I would have liked to include him more in our conversations, but he has such a hard time hearing these days… We had to repeat things a lot with him, and he mainly just said for us to go ahead and just visit with Eva as long and as much as we liked.

Grandma was looking so tired, I knew we shouldn’t stay long with her, so she could get some rest. I told her we were going to go get a quick bit of dinner and let her get some sleep for awhile. She said, “don’t they have something here you could eat maybe? I think I’d just prefer to visit with you.” Part of me wishes I would have just stayed with her one more hour right then. But I could also see how very tired she looked… She’d had a long, busy day with lots of nurses checking on her, and lots of visitors checking in. I told her we’d come back in the morning and visit some more with her, and she agreed that sounded nice. I had given her lots of drinks of water throughout the day. I offered her one more drink from her big cup, and she kind of swallowed it the wrong way and started to choke. It was so scary, because she just couldn’t seem to catch her breath. Her face turned so dark red, and she leaned forward into my arms. I was patting her back, trying to get that water to come up. It took several seconds, but she finally was able to cough it up and breathe again. We all four just sat there for a few minutes, realizing how difficult it was for her to get enough air. My dad took her oxygen level again and it was low… we waited until it was back up into the 70s. I told her again that we were just going to let her rest for a bit and come back in the morning. She nodded ok and laid back in her bed.

I leaned in to hug her, and all my emotions just started pouring out. I started sobbing into her shoulder, just realizing how much I love her and how much I will miss her. It was just a short moment, but I’ll never forget that feeling of her soft, warm arms around me, offering me comfort and support. She felt so warm and squishy – just like my grandma for all those many years. “Oh, honey,” she said, “don’t you cry.” I quickly wiped my tears and pulled back from her and said, “Oh, I’m just so sad that you have to be so sick like this.”

“Well, I’ll get better,” she reassured me. “Don’t you worry.”

I nodded and pulled away to leave. But what I wanted to say, and kept inside, was so much more… “Oh my dear Grandma, how much I love you! You have meant so very much to me all these years. I am afraid our time is almost over here together for now. I’m afraid you’re going to leave me soon. And I’m most afraid that I won’t be here to really say goodbye to you before you go! I’m going to miss you so much!! But I’m sooooo happy for you, too! I know you’ve been missing your Lynn and your Mama and Dad and your sisters, and Roger, and Dallas, and Wade, and so many others… missing them all for soooo long now. Your mind and heart are already with them, I can tell. I want you to go, but I don’t know how to say goodbye to you. I’m afraid you’ll suffer and hurt a lot as you go. I’m afraid you will be scared to let go. Mostly, I guess I’m just afraid to let you go, because I love you so much. You’ve let me be your little girl my whole entire life. Even now, you’re the one comforting me, telling me not to cry. That’s just like you, though, isn’t it? My dear, wonderful, beautiful Grandma.”

Those were the thoughts in my heart as I gave her that last sobbing hug that night. I was already planning to come back home the next day because I knew Brian needed me that evening for a big Scout court of honor he had planned at our house. Life just moves on despite grief and its cares and concerns, doesn’t it? Well, I was feeling like I would have a hard goodbye to say that next morning, knowing she probably only had a few more weeks to be with us – and that I would most likely be across the state at home in Nampa when the call came saying she was gone.

My parents both hugged her and stood to leave. And I gave her one last sweet hug with no tears and just told her to rest and I’d see her in the morning. “That’s a good plan,” she said. Then I hugged Doug and started to leave the room. “Goodbye, Grandma,” I called, with my hand on the doorknob.

“Oh, are you leaving then?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Oh, okay then… Is Dennis with you?”

“Yes, he’s leaving with me.”

“Well, tell him goodbye too… And Karen, is she with you?”

“Yes, she’s with us.”

“Well, tell her goodbye for me, too.”

“Ok, I will. Goodnight, Grandma.”

“Goodnight. Love you!”

“I love you, too,” I said.

“Love you a bunch,” she said.

“Me, too,” I said.

“You leaving now, then?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m going,” I said. By this time I’d slipped through the doorway and was starting to close it.

“Well, OK, then. Love you!”

“I love you, too, Grandma,” I said again. And then I closed the door while she was still talking, as her usual way of getting the very last word. I loved that, and smiled to myself as I hurried to catch up with my mom and dad. Typical Grandma, having the last word!

Of course, looking back now, I wish I had told my parents to go on without me to dinner, and that I could have stayed with her and listened to all her very last thoughts until she was ready to sleep that night. But there’s no use in those kinds of regrets. My last exchange with her was sweet and typical, as it should have been.

We went to dinner at Tommy Vaughns and split a couple of appetizers and had a delicious wedge salad each. It was nice, and we talked a lot about Grandma and how nice it had been to be with her that whole day. We went home tired, and quickly said goodnight to each other and headed to bed. In my prayers that night, I asked Heavenly Father to please take her home, if she was ready. And help us to be able to bear it. And help my dad to be able to let her go. This had been my prayer many times over the past months as her health and mind had been declining. But it felt even more poignant, having just been with her throughout the day so much.

I went right to sleep into a deep sleep. At 2:30 a.m., my mom knocked on my bedroom door, then opened it and said, "Kamber? We just got the call from the Gables... Grandma Eva just passed away. She’s gone.”

It took me a few minutes to fully wake up and process what she had said. I couldn’t believe it! And yet, at the same time, a part of me felt that it was supposed to happen this way. I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I got to be there, and not hundreds of miles away, just hearing about it over the phone. It had been my unspoken wish and desire to get to be there. And I was blessed with that sacred privilege.

The tears came as I thought about all of these things. I laid in bed and quietly cried for a few minutes, not knowing what I should do. My dad came in and said he was headed to the Gables to be with her, and I could come in a few minutes with Mom if I wanted to. So I got up and put on some clothes to go in. But I didn’t want to go, not really. I was afraid of what I might feel there. I think I can count on one hand how many dead people I have seen – all at funerals. I was afraid to see her. But I went, and I’m so glad I did.

It was hard, and sad, but also reverent and beautiful, to be with her and give her last hugs and kisses while she was still so warm and soft. She was wearing the same shirt she had been in earlier in the day – a pink polo shirt. She was on her side, and looked peaceful and gentle. And gone. I cried with Doug and let him go on and on in his grief, like he needed right then.  Lance came after awhile, and we all waited for the hospice nurse to come write a death record. Then the funeral home guy came to dress her and take her. He helped the nurses dress her in some new pink striped pajamas that my mom and I had just bought for her earlier that day. We hugged her goodbye one last time, then they took her.

It was hard to go back to sleep when we got back to my parents’ house, and harder to wake up a couple of hours later that morning. But I knew I had to go back home that day, so I had to get moving. I went to the Gables once more, to hug Doug and talk with him for a few minutes again, and Melissa came with me. Then I stopped at the funeral home where my parents were meeting with one of the directors. I stayed with them and helped pick out a pretty pink casket for her. We looked all around at several different caskets – they are really so beautiful. Finally, my mom and I settled on a simple, mauvy pink one, with light pink interior. My dad stood quietly by, letting the two of us choose. Once we were settled, he got a sweet smile on his face and said, “that’s the same one I picked out for her, too.” I thought that was special, and thoughtful of him to let us pick. I hugged them both goodbye and then I headed home.

That ride home was something beautiful and kind of indescribable to me. I had a long, weepy prayer to Heavenly Father that went something like this: “Oh, Heavenly Father, I’m soooo very grateful I got to be here with her. I feel like it was kind of a tiny miracle that I got to be part of these last moments with my dear sweet grandma. I love her so much. I am soooo blessed to have had her with me all these years, through all my life. She’s so wonderful, so precious to me and to everyone. Thank you, Heavenly Father. Thank you for my sweet husband who encouraged me to come be here. Thank you for my parents, for their tender care for Grandma all these past years. She’s just been such a lovely and wonderful person in all our lives and we will all miss her so much. But oh! I’m sooo glad she’s coming home now! She has missed so many people for so long!! I’m so happy she gets to go be with them all now – her Lynn, and Roger, and all her sweet sisters… and her mama, she sooo wanted to be with her mama! She was just so wonderful and patient and good all these years. Thank you for taking her home, Heavenly Father. Thank you for letting me be here to say my last goodbyes to her. I fed her her last meal. I had last words and last hugs and such sweet, wonderful last memories with her. I feel so very, very blessed for these things. I’m just extremely grateful that I got to be part of these last days. So thankful…” And on I prayed and wept and prayed some more for nearly an hour as I drove along toward home.

I stopped in Rupert and visited for a few minutes with Kerri. I still can’t believe she is moving there! I was able to share with her some of the sweet, hard details of my trip and saying goodbye. It was a nice visit, and she gave me cookies and a sandwich, so I didn’t have to stop again, and made it home in time to help Brian with the Scout Court of Honor at our house that night.

Thursday was hard. I wanted to be back with my mom and Melissa – helping to dress her and get her ready for the funeral. But I also didn’t feel very well, and was grateful to be at home and able to rest. I wanted to carry on with my every-day stuff, but I found I was weepy off and on without warning – cryiarrhea, my brothers called it when we were mourning Wade: the tears come and go with no warning or reason. I went to pick up Spencer for an appointment with his counselor after school, and found I didn’t have the strength or energy to do it. I called Brian, and he came and took over, taking Spencer to his appointment, then also taking the kids to tumbling class, so I could just rest for a bit.

By Friday, my parents had outlined all the details for the funeral program, and had asked me to give the life sketch, and to play a piano medley of hymns. It was a honor to speak at her funeral, and a blessing to prepare her life sketch. In the process, I feel like I gained an even greater appreciation for the amazing, remarkable, loving woman she is! I’ve felt such a sweet closeness to her since starting to compile my thoughts about her. It has been beautiful and so comforting!

Over the weekend, we went to Mark and Dalana’s to be with their family. On the way, and while we were there, I spent a lot of time writing memories and different stories she had told me, stringing them together with facts and details about her life. I felt gentle heavenly nudges to check certain facts again, or to include some additional details here and there. My mom found a book of “interesting facts about Grandma” that had some of Grandma’s own writings and memories. It was really helpful in giving me some interesting tidbits of her favorites, and some important dates and other info as well. I also loved reading some of her journal pages, and incorporated some of her thoughts and insights into my remarks, without getting it too personal.

We had a viewing planned for Monday evening, before the funeral on Tuesday. Brian and I went to her house and to her apartment at the Gables, to gather some pictures and items that sort of represented some of the moments and memories of her sweet life – an afghan she had crocheted, some needlepoint she had done, a beadwork table trivet, etc. I was finishing arranging a display in the entry to the room where her casket was, when Brian told me I should go check on Spencer. We had all the kids with us, of course. And Spencer had gone up to the casket without either of us. I first went to the casket, and saw my beautiful, dear Grandma Eva. She looked so peaceful and lovely, in a soft, pink dress that she had worn many times these past years. I held her hand for a minute and gave her a hug. Oh how much I’ll miss her, my dear friend!

After that, I went to where Spencer was sitting, on a little couch near the casket, with tears just streaming down his face. It almost broke my heart. He was so sad, so affected at seeing her in the casket. I hugged him and tried to console him for several minutes. He was just having a rough time. The other kids cried a little bit, then started talking to each other and eventually went outside together. Not Spencer – he sat on that little couch near the casket the entire evening. He finally fell asleep there for a few minutes; I think the emotion just wore him out, my sweet Buddy.

It was good to visit with family and friends who came to the viewing, and to the funeral the next day. But the whole time, I just had such a strong feeling that the REAL gathering was happening on the other side of the veil, probably not far from us, but so much sweeter and more joyful!

The service was really beautiful, and a wonderful tribute to her wonderful, beautiful life. I loved listening to all my family speak about her and their memories. And, I really loved getting share her life sketch. I was really worried about it being too long, and tried to cut it down several different times. But every time I tried to edit something out, I just didn’t feel right about it. Plus, I would ask my parents, “hey, do you think we could leave xxx detail out?” and they would both answer, “NO! you HAVE to include THAT part!” ha! So… it was long! But then, so was her life! And, I think it was also interesting. Because, of course, so was her life.

My dad conducted the funeral, and each of my brothers, and Ladd and Shawn, gave special tributes and memories of Grandma. My mom and Jen gave quick tributes as well. It was a very nice service. I kept looking at Aunt Noi as I spoke. She looked so happy and eager to be there and hear every detail… she was a very attentive audience, and Ladd and Shawn were, too. They even called out little extra details at some parts, which was fun.

After the service, I played Man From Snowy River as everyone exited. That was her wish. I hope she heard it. I felt like angels helped me play that whole day – the medley of hymns was How Great Thou Art, In the Garden, The Old Rugged Cross, and Somewhere Over the Rainbow (which isn’t really a hymn, but was one of her favorites that she wanted me to include.)

We got to ride in limousines over to the cemetery, for a very short graveside service. As it ended, my mom told all the grandkids they could each choose a flower from the enormous spray that was on top of the casket. There were giant pink roses, and huge hollyhocks that the kids took and carried with them in the limo back to the funeral home and on to the dinner. We had ham and potatoes at the church, which was really nice. Lots of ham! Samantha was tired of ham at the end of the day, since we’d had ham sandwiches the day before, and for dinner. I told her she didn’t need to take any at the funeral lunch, and she didn’t.

Then we went back to my parents’ house to change before heading home. My mom had each of us take one of the huge, gorgeous bouquets home with us, which was nice. I ended up with an orchid, which Samantha has in her room, still. And also I got a big bouquet of white roses. They lasted for over a week, and the giant buds my kids had saved also lasted for so long! It was a sweet way to end things and have that lingering beauty.

One of the sweetest happenings was with Spencer – I already mentioned how hard he was taking things at the viewing. Well, he had a hard time at the funeral as well, and cried a lot before the service, and as they closed the casket. Throughout the day he just looked so sad and worn down. That night, after we got home, I was talking to him before he went to sleep, and he looked so sad. I asked him, “do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” he asked.

“About how you’re feeling, about what you’re thinking?”

“Mom! I’m just so sad! I just miss her and I just feel so sad. That’s all!” Then more tears, more heartache and a big long crying hug. I said a prayer with him that night, and talked to him about how death is part of the plan, and that these goodbyes are sooo hard, but there’s a time for each of us. He calmed down and finally went to sleep. I said more prayers for him before I slept that night, too.

The next day, after school, I was driving with Spencer to a doctor’s appointment. Since I had him alone, I asked, “hey, Buddy, are you feeling ok today? –about Grandma.”

He told me he was feeling a lot better. Then, with some help from me asking lots of lead-on questions, he told me this: “Mom, I had a dream about Grandma last night. She was wearing that pretty pink dress, and she was smiling. She came to me and she gave me a big hug. She told me not to worry about her, that she’s ok and she’s really happy.”

Wow. As he told me, the Spirit was so strong and so special. It was so neat to hear him say this, and see the change in him. He was truly at peace about things, after having been so upset throughout the whole funeral time. And, ever since then, any time we’ve talked about her, he has been fine and has felt at peace with her death. What a beautiful answer to prayers. And a beautiful reassurance for him, and for me and our family, as well! We have been so blessed to have our precious Grandma Eva for all these years. And now, she’ll be there for us, when it’s our time to go. I hope she’s enjoying heaven!

My Amazing, Wonderful Grandma Eva

Hello.
I wanted to write here a bit about my Grandma Eva, who passed away on Aug. 29, 2018. I was blessed to be able to be with her in her last couple of days, even giving her a last hug and kiss as she headed to sleep the night she died. Those moments are some of the most precious of my entire life! I felt closer to heaven than I have ever before, and I'm so grateful I had that opportunity to say goodbye to her. I wrote about that time in my journal, and may post it here eventually. But for now, I wanted to post some of the information I compiled about her life in the days and weeks after she passed away. I was privileged to give her life sketch, and gathered a lot of the stories and details I'm share here, in preparation for that. Then afterward, I delved more into her family history, checking genealogy records, asking my dad for clarification on some things, and going through old notes from conversations I had with Eva years ago. I just think she was such a wonderful, sweet, amazing person, and wanted to share these details. I'm also adding this sweet picture of her, holding my youngest baby, Camille...

Eva Davella Frasure Hone Malm

March 13, 1923 – August 29, 2018

Life Sketch and Additional Details

Robert Frasure (April 3, 1890) and (Elsie) Bell Bentley (Apr 25, 1892) – she preferred to go by Bell (some records show Belle) – met and married on April 16, 1908 in Grethel, Kentucky, when Bell was 16 and Robert was 18. They lived in neighboring communities – McDowell and Grethel, and met at a church function; both families belonged to the First Baptist faith. In 1915, Robert had a relative, who had moved west to Idaho, to farm large tracts of land. He convinced Robert that there was a good life to be had in the west, so Robert and Bell said goodbye to their beloved Kentucky home and family, and moved to Idaho to try their hand at farming there. Their first home was in an area called Taber, Idaho, about 20 miles west of Blackfoot, Idaho. At the time they moved there, they had a daughter, Birdie, who had passed away at age 2 in Kentucky (Jan 23, 1910-Mar 11, 1912). And they brought with them two young daughters, Mina Francis (July 20, 1911) and Oma (Dec 25, 1913). The ground they purchased for farming was full of sagebrush and some lava rock. It was dry and hard and didn’t receive enough rain. Irrigation was a new concept to the area, and hadn’t expanded out to the Taber area. It was very tough to have a reliable crop without consistent water supply. After a few years of trying, Robert and Bell decided to move in closer to the Blackfoot area, where they could more easily get water in canals from the Snake River.

I’m not sure of all the details regarding their babies, but I know they had a son and daughter in Idaho, who both died as small children. Anthony (Mar 24, 1916- Nov 5, 1918) died at age 21/2, during the Spanish flu epidemic, while they were living in Taber. When Anthony died, the ground was so frozen they had to put his little body in the cellar until spring, when the ground thawed and they could properly bury him. (Eva said this was something her mother told her.) Polly May (Jan 23, 1920 – May 5, 1920) died of pneumonia and was only 41/2 months old. Such a heartache for their family, to lose these precious little ones! In between Anthony and Polly May, Hazel Margaret (Apr 3, 1918) was born. Their mother, Bell, got very sick and was on bedrest when Hazel was a baby. Mina was only seven, but she took care of Oma and the baby, and cooked the family meals as best she could until her mother was well again. And then Edna Veda was born (March 12, 1921), and then came Eva, whose story this is…

On March 13, 1923, Eva Davella Frasure was born in Blackfoot, Idaho. She was the eighth child born to Robert and (Elsie) Bell Frasure. Before Eva was born, her parents had lost three young children due to illness. They were extremely grateful to have five healthy girls! Her oldest sister, Mina, had the privilege of choosing her first name – Eva, which Mina said was such a beautiful name, and all the sisters agreed. (Eva said she didn’t always love her name when she was younger, but she got to where she liked it quite well after awhile.) When Eva was two years old, a baby brother, Paul Ova (March 17, 1925-Oct 24, 1930), was born. Some of Eva’s earliest memories are of times spent playing with her brother, who was nicknamed Uskie.

Eva remembers taking a trip to Kentucky with her mother the summer of 1930, when she was seven, Edna was nine and Uskie was just five. They had such a good time meeting family and seeing a part of the country they’d never been to before. Eva remembers that they met their Grandma, Polly Bentley, and just loved her so much. They also met her mother’s sister, Aunt Francis. Eva kept in touch with Aunt Francis throughout her life, writing letters and calling her from time to time. Eva said that same winter after their trip Kentucky, her Grandma Bentley passed away, so she only ever got to meet her that one time.

That same year, little Uskie, who was just five years old, died after an accident with a horse: It was a horse he knew and loved, but he accidentally approached it from the back, and the horse was startled and kicked Uskie in the stomach. There was nothing much the doctors could do for him, and he died of internal injuries the next day. This was a tragedy for their whole family, and was one of the most poignant, sad memories of Eva’s early childhood. She remembers one evening just after Uskie died, her mother was baking bread. She pulled the batter out and just set it on the counter and ran outside. Her mama sat on the back steps with her apron up to her face, sobbing into it, saying, “Not again! Not again! My baby, my baby!” Eva remembers she and her sister running to her mother to offer comfort and to cry with her. She said her mama grabbed up all of them and sat on the steps just crying and holding them and crying some more for such a long time. It was such a heartbreaking time for them all. Eva missed her little brother throughout her life and often spoke of him and the love he brought to her family.

          After his death, Eva then became the baby of her family – the youngest of five sisters. She gladly took on the role of “baby” and would laughingly proclaim, “but I’m the baby!” throughout her life, just to tease about how she deserved to be spoiled and pampered. Eva was extremely close with all her sisters, and looked up to each of them – Mina, Oma, Hazel and Edna. She and Edna were almost exactly two years apart, with Edna’s birthday being just a day before Eva’s. Each year the two of them shared a birthday party together. They lived near the old Wicks Schoolhouse in Wapello, and invited neighboring school-age children to celebrate their birthdays with them. One year, a big snowstorm came on their birthday week, and the school was closed. It seemed everyone would be snowed in that year and there would be no party. But then, such a surprise happened! -- All the children came on a horse-drawn sleigh and on horseback through the drifts of snow to wish them a happy birthday and spend their day off school celebrating with Edna and Eva. It was sooo exciting and memorable!

Eva loved being with her sisters, and when school started and Edna was in first grade, poor little Eva was just five. She cried and cried because she didn’t want to be without her sister. So, her mother finally had a talk with the teacher, and Eva was allowed to go to school at age five – which was highly unusual in those days! So long as she could sit by Edna, there was no more crying! Eva loved learning and was an excellent student in school. She said her favorite subjects as a girl were geography and history. Since her family lived so close to the schoolhouse, Eva and her sisters would help their mother clean the school in the evenings after the school day was over.

At the Wicks school, Eva and the other children and teacher built their own tennis court. They cleared it off from sagebrush and willow trees, and put a fence around it. Then they rolled heavy milk cans across it to flatten and smooth it, and put lots of water on it to make it hard. Mr. Raymond Bond got them all tennis raquets for 75 cents apiece so they could practice and compete. They also practiced for track meets against other schools. They would go into town and race at the meets. Eva used to do the relay race with Donna Fulmer and Fred Woodland. They did really well and got lots of blue ribbons. At school, they would also have big Christmas programs with lots of songs and plays. Their parents would always come to watch them perform, which was so much fun.

When she young, Eva shared a bed with Edna and Hazel. Then, after Oma left home, Edna and Hazel would share. But Eva would whine and holler, “I don’t want to sleep alone or I’ll freeze to death!” so then sometimes one of them would come sleep with her instead. On Sundays, their family went to church in the summertime, but it was harder to get there in the winter. So, their mother would read to them from the Bible, then they would have time to read it on their own.

In the Frasure home, back in the day, there was no internet or computers, no television or radio, or even electricity. (They didn’t get it until 1938 or 1939, when Eva was a teenager.) So, Eva and her sisters spent their evenings by lamplight and candlelight. It was Eva’s job to clean the chimneys on the kerosene lamps with newspaper – because she had such small hands and could easily put her whole hand up inside them. At night, all the girls loved being entertained by their father, Robert, playing the banjo. Their family had special-ordered an organ from back East, and some of Eva’s sisters learned to play along with their dad. Eva and Edna both took tap lessons and would tap dance together to their old favorites. Even into her 80s, she would show us kids all her amazing tap dancing moves—especially the shuffle! She really loved music and dancing, all her life.

She also loved being outdoors. When she was quite young, her father took her and Edna up to Island Park area, to where he was helping to cut lumber to make railroad ties. They camped there, and in the early morning he took them to see a beaver dam, where the beavers were hard at work, slapping the water and gnawing on branches. She loved that experience and enjoyed retelling it to us grandkids as a bedtime story. She said her family just loved that area up by Island Park. They fished and camped up there a lot, three or four summers in row while her dad was working up there, and lots of times as she got older, too. They used to catch chipmunks and put them in a shoebox, and the chipmunks would dig out the bottom of the box by the next morning. She said her family felt quite possessive of the area and felt like it was “their country!” They were pretty sad when so many people started building homes and cabins up there.

Eva was a very active girl and really loved climbing trees. One day, when she was about six, she climbed a big tree, then told her sisters, “watch this! I’m going to swing just like Tarzan!” Well, she didn’t end up swinging like Tarzan, but fell out of that tree and broke her arm. She used to retell that story often – as a cautionary tale for every one of her grandkids. But, of course, it didn’t stop any of us from climbing in her giant willow trees and swinging like Tarzan.

Eva also remembers going to the circus when she was 14. She felt very grown-up because she got to take her little nephew, Gayle, (Mina and Paul’s son) who was just eight. There were elephants and all kinds of animals. (Her husband, Doug, said he remembers getting to go to it too – he and his brother, Wally, carried water to the elephants to get tickets to it.) Eva was most impressed with the star of the show, Tom Mix, who was so brave and daring – he rode the horses standing up in the saddle! (He was also very handsome, she thought.)

In 1936 or 1937, when Eva was about 13 or 14, her mother got really sick with a tumor in her uterus the size of a grapefruit. Her situation was urgent, so they took her to a Dr. Kackley in Soda Springs. It was winter, and the snow was coming down fast. A friend, Ernest Call, drove the car, and Robert – Eva’s father – sat on the outside of the car somehow, so he could scrape the snow off the windshield as they drove. Dr. Kackley saw her straight away and operated on her with radium. She was so sick they didn’t know if she would make it through. While their mother was having surgery and recovering in Soda Springs, Edna and Eva stayed home and did the chores around the house. They did the janitor work at the school, without their mother. Eva said Edna was always afraid they wouldn’t get up in time to get everything done and get to school on time. They had to carry water to the water fountain in the school and do some other early-morning jobs. Edna wouldn’t let them put an extra blanket on the bed at night because she was so afraid they would oversleep, so they slept cold instead. Her mother recovered and lived until 1963. But she always had trouble with her legs after that, and had really bad, painful varicose veins.

Being a farm girl, Eva remembers working hard with all her sisters, taking turns helping her parents in the fields. As soon as they were old enough, they helped all the neighboring farmers thin their beets. They would thin their own beets as chores, but when they helped thin the neighbors beets, they got paid $7 per acre. They could thin about half an acre a day, and they got to keep what they earned. She recalls good, fun times thinning those beets with lots of different folk, including the Hone family. She had her eye on that Lynn Hone guy and enjoyed working along side him from time to time. They liked to tease each other, and one day, when Eva was 14 or 15, she picked up a dirt clod to throw across the row at Lynn. Right then, Lynn’s father, Jim, stood up between them and Eva ended up hitting JIM with the clod, right in his ear! She was so embarrassed and she and Lynn started laughing. Jim pretended to be upset for a minute. He said, “Why Eva, you little shit! I ought to give you a lickin’ for that!!” But then all three of them were laughing so hard! -- who knew they were one day going to be in-laws!? She said Jim teased her throughout her life, telling her, “I never did give you that lickin’, did I!?”

Eva said she first met Lynn when they were both about five years old, when his family was pasturing cows on her parents’ land. The Hones would come to milk their cows daily. Lynn came over with a friend, Kenneth Pixton, and one threw the other one’s hat on top of their roof. That’s the first memory Eva had of Lynn. They started going together when they were 14 – but they had to go with her sister Edna and her boyfriend, and a whole bunch of other friends. On their first date, they went rollerskating. Eva loved rollerskating and said she’d go with a group of friends almost every Friday night. And then, almost every Saturday, they all went dancing together, or sometimes watched a show at the Nuart Theatre. She had two best girlfriends in high school that were always part of their big group dates – Betty Hall and Margie Bithell. She wrote, “We three were ALWAYS ALL together! For years, I wrote to them, and we always kept in contact, our entire lives.”  She and Lynn dated each other, and also dated other people back and forth during high school, but usually came back to each other after a short time. His mother was always so tickled when they went out, because Lynn was very shy, and she wanted him to date and dance more.

One time, they were on a double date – but Eva was with Vern France, and Lynn was with a gal named Lorraine. Halfway through the date, Lynn suggested that maybe they could trade dates, so he could be with Eva. She told him, “No! If you want to date me, you’ll have to ask me out yourself!” So after that, he did, repeatedly. At one point, Lynn was dating another girl, Norma, for awhile. Eva said she got mad at him for that, so she got a boyfriend, Rex, for six months or so. Then, they were both at a wedding dance for a mutual friend. Lynn was dancing with Eva’s sister, Edna, and asked her, (referring to Eva) “Do you suppose she’ll dance with me?” Edna told him, “I don’t know. Why don’t you go ask her?” So he did. Eva said she danced with him there and ended up riding home with him that night. They sorted all their problems and got back together after that. She wrote, reminiscing, “I liked him because he was sooo handsome and gentle and sweet. He really was just the cutest guy around – always was!” She also wrote that “I can’t remember just why he liked me, but I was sooo glad he did! I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt him for anything.”

After high school, Eva decided to go to ISU Beauty School. She lived with a family (the woman was named Leah Wright) in Pocatello and stayed with them in exchange for babysitting and house cleaning. They would give her bus fare to go to the school, but she would save the money, and instead, would walk up to the school each day for her classes – a couple or three miles each way! She said it was so much fun doing hair in the salon there and learning from the other girls. They all took turns doing each other’s hair, as well as serving clients. She continued to use this skill throughout her life. She and Edna would cut and style each other’s hair, and she kept her license current and often did home perms, cuts and hair dye for friends and family. At family reunions, she loved doing hair for all her sisters and nieces. She even volunteered in the hospital in her older years, doing hair for ladies who were unwell and on bedrest. She would also cut her OWN hair quite often. Even in her 70s and 80s, she would sometimes get up in the night and start cutting her hair when she couldn’t sleep!

While she was in beauty school, Eva and Lynn exchanged lots of letters. He would drive up to see her often, and she’d see him when she was home visiting family. We recently read a letter Lynn had written her during that time, where he told her he was so sad he couldn’t make the trip because it would cost too much in gas money! (Although we think very little of a 30mile trip these days, gas was precious and expensive back then!) On her 19^th birthday, in March 1942, Lynn asked Eva to marry him. He came out to her house and knelt down and gave her a ring. Then they went to dinner together. The next day, Lynn came over and got Eva and together they asked her dad. She said he was so cute and nervous about it. They didn’t set a date, but were kind of engaged through that whole summer, then got married in the late fall. They were both 19 years old.

She wrote/told the following about their actual wedding time: One Sunday night in November, Lynn told me he thought it was about time we get married. I said ok, so he asked, “Can you be ready by Tuesday? That’s Dad’s birthday, and I want to get married on his birthday!” I said, “Tuesday?! Tuesday?! I don’t know! You better let us think about it.” He said “Oh, you can make it, can’t you? I’ll help all I can. Come on!” So we did make it two days later – on Tuesday, November 24, 1942 – Lynn’s dad’s birthday.

It was a rainy day, and they got married at the First Baptist church at 4pm, just Eva and Lynn, and their parents and the pastor. Then they had a big wedding dance at the Wapello LDS church a few days or weeks later, which she thought was so much fun! She wrote “Lynn had to work that next day, so there was no time for a honeymoon till later.” She said her mother gave them some pillows she had made, as a wedding gift, and Lynn’s mother made them some beautiful pillowcases. Her sisters went in to get them a nice set of dishes.

Right after they were married, they moved in with Lynn’s parents for 16 months while they built their own home up the road. Lynn farmed with his dad, and Eva worked at Nuart Beauty Shop for awhile.

When Lynn was drafted into the Navy in 1944, after his basic training he was stationed in Bremmerton,WA. Eva wanted to stay close to him, so she a got an apartment with some of the other Navy wives in Seattle. This made it so she and Lynn could see each other more often. Eva got a job while she was there, as a rivet inspector at Boeing Aircraft. She made sure they were smooth, so they didn’t cut down on the airspeed of the war planes. – She was just like Rosie the Riveter, and even called herself that if you asked her about it! She also got a job at Woolworths variety store for a time. She remembers that one time while she was the cashier, a famous movie star came in -- Victor Mature! He made quite the impression on her! He was very handsome and tall, and she got to “check him out!” (ha!)

While she and Lynn lived in Washington, they found out they were expecting a baby! Eva had some fainting spells early in her pregnancy, so she quit her job to go back to Blackfoot, where she could be with her mother and have more care during the pregnancy. In December 1945, their first son, Dennis Lynn was born. Lynn was still stationed in WA and was not able to come home to see their new son right away. She called him on the day the baby came, and together they decided on Dennis. (They had talked about naming him Randy, but she had started thinking about the name Dennis a few weeks earlier and had written and suggested it to Lynn.) So, Lynn didn’t actually get to meet his firstborn son until March 1946, when Dennis was three months old. Eva said she was at her folks house, and she heard Lynn’s car drive up in the driveway. She hurried and dropped baby Dennis into the bassinet, then rushed out to meet Lynn. Dennis was screaming bloody murder by the time Lynn finally got to see him! Eva talked a lot about how grateful she was to have the support and love of her mother and sisters during that time, waiting for Lynn to come home.

Once the war was over, Lynn and Eva started life as new parents. Lynn went back into farming, and Eva started learning the ropes of homemaking and motherhood. Eva always had a very soft spot for children – most especially her own three boys.

As I mentioned, Dennis was born in December 1945. One of the stories Grandma told often about baby Dennis was the time she set a bowl of oatmeal near him and was planning to feed him. But she turned away really quick to get something. When she turned around, he had grabbed the bowl of oatmeal and dumped the whole thing over his head! You can just imagine how we loved to hear that story and hear Grandma laugh about her mischievous boy! Dennis remembers her teaching him to pray – kneeling beside the bed, with her arms folded around his as she first taught him “Now I lay me down to sleep…” and later, how to pray from his heart.

When Dennis was four and a half, baby brother, Orval Roger was born in June 1950. (Named after Lynn’s brother Orv [Arv], who died that same year.) Now, you have to know, Eva, growing up in a family of all girls, was fully planning to have a bunch of girls of her own. Her baby shower for Roger was allllll pink! I still have a tiny pair of pink shoes from that shower that her beautiful baby BOY never wore. (I have to say, I’ve seen lots of his baby pictures, and I’m not kidding that he was such a gorgeous, beautiful boy! – he even won a local baby contest in the newspaper.) Of course, once he arrived, Eva was more than THRILLED with her boy, Roger. When he was just one year old, Roger contracted whooping cough. It caused him to have swelling of the brain, and great difficulty developing learning skills. Lynn and Eva were told he would never be able to progress past the 2^nd grade. You can imagine the heartache this caused their family. This was back in the early 1950s, and they certainly didn’t have all the resources and education to deal with children with special needs. With Lynn’s help, Eva took it upon herself to work with Roger and help him graduate with his class, right on time. Dennis said, she would spend hours sitting with Roger at the kitchen table in the evenings, helping him with his homework and class work, so he could stay caught up. Some of the teachers and administrators were not always supportive, but she patiently persevered and helped him get his diploma so he could get a good job and have a life of his own and marry a special lady, LeeAnn Scott.

This several-years-long experience working with Roger was obviously not something she would have asked for or really wanted for her family or her sweet son. But I think it taught her compassion and patience, on a level not all of us can understand. Her whole life, she had so much love and compassion for people – no matter who they were or what they’d been through. She withheld judgment, always, and just loved, loved, loved, forgave, trusted, and loved some more. She truly had a Christlike love for others – the love of our Savior Jesus, which she nurtured through her faith in Him throughout her life.

A quick story or two about Roger, before we move on – One time at the dinner table, he asked his dad to refill his glass of milk. He was holding up his glass and Lynn was holding the pitcher. Lynn told him, “say when.” Well, instead of telling him when he had poured enough, Roger simply pulled his cup away, leaving Lynn pouring milk all over the kitchen table. I’m sure it wasn’t so funny in the moment, but any time Grandma would tell that story, she was laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world.

Another time at dinner, the family was eating chicken that Eva had prepared. Apparently it was an old chicken, and was not particularly tender and succulent. The whole family was quietly chewing, trying to get it down, when Roger piped up, “this is a tough ol’ hen!” It became a bit of a humorous catch phrase for the family for years to come when dinner didn’t turn out quite right. Another catch phrase that Eva said often – “Butter around the edges!” – when anyone was buttering a piece of toast. She said it was something her dad always said. And, “What’s on the docket for today?” – something Lynn’s father, Jim, said most every morning in a cheerful voice. She loved to remember those kinds of things and pass them down.

Five years after Roger was born, all Eva’s sisters and friends threw her another shower in all pink colors once again… And once again, Eva and Lynn were THRILLED to welcome their third son, Dallas F. Hone in Aug 1956. (F stood for Frasure, just like Lynn A stood for Anderson, his mother’s maiden name. But both were just middle initials. Dallas would continue the tradition, naming his first son, Ladd K, for Kofeod, his mother’s maiden name.) Dallas was their baby and completed their beautiful family. He was adored and doted on by his mother his entire life. Dallas was an active, adventurous boy and loved to be outdoors, in the fields or in the mountains. He loved baseball and was an excellent second baseman. Of course, Eva’s favorite sport was baseball, mainly because she loved to watch him play. As a teenager, he loved motorcycling and rode hard and risky sometimes! If you knew what a WORRIER Eva was, you can just imagine how she felt about this, but she supported him and was excited to hear about his adventures.

Eva and Lynn really enjoyed being together with their boys. One of their favorite family activities was occasionally driving into town to get chocolate malts together. On one occasion, they decided to take their malts to go, so Eva was going up to the walk-up window to get them while Lynn and the boys waited in the car. Lynn said, “I’d like a strawberry malt this time, instead of chocolate.” So, she went up to the window to place the order. She asked the cashier at the window, “Can I please have four chocolate malts, and one strawberry chocolatemalt?” He looked at her, kind of confused. So she repeated herself, “I’d like four chocolate malts, and one strawberry chocolatemalt to go, please.” He still looked confused and asked, “Sooo, you want me to put strawberries in your chocolate malt?” She answered, “Well no, of course not! I just want FOUR chocolate malts. And one STRAWBERRY chocolatemalt.” The cashier just looked at her and tried to ask her again if she wanted to mix strawberry and chocolate together. “Well,” she said, then repeated the same interchange: “We want four chocolate malts. But we also want one strawberry chocolatemalt.” She was getting really frustrated by then, but turned back to the car parked nearby. And there was Lynn, just laughing… he could overhear and knew what was going on. She was just so used to ordering chocolate malts, that she was calling it a strawberry chocolatemalt, even though she really meant just a STRAWBERRY malt. By the time she came out to the car with her order of chocolate malts and Lynn’s strawberry malt, everyone was laughing so hard. It became a favorite family joke, any time they talked about getting malts together.

Eva loved to take her boys and their cousins swimming at the very same swimming hole she and her sisters used to swim in when they young – a canal right up near the Wicks schoolhouse, she called it “the slough.” Then, when us grandkids were young, she used to pile all of us in her Oldsmobile and continued the tradition, letting us all swim in the slough… even though the path of the canal had been changed over time, she told us stories about where they used to swim, and found us a good swim hole of our own, our very own slough. She talked about how sweet it was to see Trent, the youngest grandkid, holding onto empty milk jugs – the 1980s version of “floaties” – as he was learning to swim. A couple of times, she let some of us ride home from the slough in the trunk, just because we were begging. That was actually a little scary – especially the times she let 13-year-old Lance drive us home! ;)

While they were raising their family, Eva and Lynn really loved to get together with family and take the boys camping, hunting and fishing. Wolverine Canyon, Island Park and Yellowstone were some of her very favorite “vacation places.” She also loved Sawmill Canyon, Cedarville Canyon and Mackay Reservoir. Basically anywhere they could go to get away and just be together. Eva LOVED to be together with her parents, her sisters and their families, and with Lynn’s family, too. “The more the merrier!” seemed to be her way of life. In her writings, she always included EVERYONE who was there, and often who she wished could have been there at whatever outing was had. She loved holidays and traditions and mostly just loved being with her family. She almost NEVER EVER missed a Frasure family reunion her entire life… Even just over a month before she passed away, Eva was sooo excited to go to the Frasure reunion in Idaho Falls. She had a hard time remembering names, but she hid it well – When her nephew, Keith and his wife Renee came to give her a hug, she slyly read their name tags then enthusiastically said, “Well, Keith!? Renee?! I’m soooo glad to see you two made it.” When they looked quite surprised that she knew them so readily, she giggled and said, “Well, I can still read pretty well, ya know?!” Made them both laugh along with her.

Some of us from this younger generation missed out on Eva’s water fights! – Apparently, back in the day, she was notorious for starting water fights at family reunions! Almost all her nieces and nephews wrote her letters and cards at one time or another, recalling fun times when she had started yet another water fight when they were all together. I don’t know the full details, but I heard that one time she climbed on a roof with a big pot of water, then snuck over the top of Lynn and Mina’s husband, Paul, to drench them with a real sneak attack! Of course, I also heard that she always ended up more wet than anyone else, and laughed the hardest, too! She would go around hugging everyone when she was soaking wet, trying to get others more wet!

She always loved to have fun. She enjoyed rollerskating and dancing her whole life. Even in her 70s and 80s, she’d often say, “If I had a pair of rollerskates right now, oh, wouldn’t that be so fun!?” She and Lynn were part of a square dancing club for nearly 25 years. She made beautiful, twirly square dance dresses for herself, and she and Lynn had great friendships from their dancing days. There were four other couples in particular (Art and Gladys Crone, Jack and Lucille Jones, Gerald and Eva Going, Zane and Molly Caldwell) that would dance together and also get together often to play cards or have dinner together. She was always very active, and worked at staying healthy – she exercised often and maintained a healthy weight all her life. Even into her 90s, she would go for walks in her driveway or over to see Dennis, just to keep active. One other little “healthy” sidenote -- she was also very diligent at caring for her teeth. She brushed thoroughly and often! She always told us grandkids, “Make sure you take care of your teeth! You only get just one set for your whole life.” And she still had ALL her teeth, and hardly ever any cavities, her whole life.  

She was active, she played hard, and she also worked hard, always. While she was raising her sons, she had several different jobs outside the home – she worked at Nonpareil potato factory for awhile, and at Nuart beauty salon, and she worked as a cook in the elementary schools for the local district lunchrooms for several years. She was an attendant at the local State Hospital for awhile. She was also always very active on the farm, helping drive trucks at harvest time and taking care of animals – cows, sheep, pigs, and always a litter of kittens and a dog or two (the ones she really liked, she named Pudgie… Pudgie #1, Pudgie #2, Pudgie #3…). When Dennis was in high school, one summer he took on a project of raising a crop of hay, renting ground from a farmer several miles from home. He remembers Eva helping him with raking the hay to get ready to bail, working just as hard as he did to help bring in his crop. He said he earned only $600 that summer – not so much, even back in the day. But he sure learned a lot about hard work, and about how willing his mom was to help him with his goals and plans!

Eva was frugal and industrious, and enjoyed homemaking. She believed in keeping a clean kitchen and doing the dishes right after each meal. For years and years, she cared for a large garden and did home canning and bottling. When her sons married, she worked alongside her daughters-in-law, teaching them all her secrets. A word about her daughters-in-law, Eva said many times through the years, she had made up her mind well before any of her sons were thinking about marriage – she would love whoever they chose as their mates, and would welcome them as her very own daughters. She truly thought that way and showed so much love to her daughers-in-law, Karen Phelps, Noi Kofeod, and LeeAnn Scott. Dennis’s wife, Karen, remembers working several summers together with Eva, bottling HUNDREDS of quarts of beans, tomatoes, corn, beets, pickles (both sweet and dill), as well apricots, cherries, grape juice, peaches, and pears. And let’s not forget the freezer jam! Grandma’s raspberry patch was enormous, and those raspberries made the most delectable jam, loved by ALL her kids and grandkids! Karen remembers one year she and Eva collected 13 flats of raspberries in just one picking!!

Along with fruits and vegetables in her garden, Eva also grew all kinds of flowers, all around her home. She loved roses and peonies, lilacs and bleeding hearts, hyacinths, holihocks, sweet peas, gladiolas, bridal wreath. And she loved the color pink!  Even the day she passed away, as we reminisced with her, she kept complimenting my pink blouse. She said, “I’ve always just loved pink, such a pretty color!” She loved to wear pink, and loved to see pink in the world around her.

Eva loved sewing, crocheting, and embroidery most all her life. She made lots of clothes for herself and her boys – and later her grandkids. She embroidered beautiful edging and flowers on tablecloths, sheets and pillowcases. And she crocheted everything from hotpads and dishtowel tops, to dolls, doilies, and heavy, rainbow colored afghans and quilts for their home and as gifts for others. She loved cooking and baking and always had something delicious waiting for dinner or as a little treat for the kids – and later the grandkids and even great grandkids.

One funny story about Eva’s cooking, from way back… apparently one Thanksgiving she volunteered to make the pumpkin pies for the Frasure Thanksgiving dinner. They looked beautiful and the cousins (her nephews in particular) could hardly wait until it was time for dessert. Well, when the pie was finally cut, Mike Akers (Eva’s nephew) remembers his Dad, Paul, at the table tasting that first bite – and then spitting it out! Eva had gotten mixed up and put in a full measure of SALT, instead of SUGAR in the pie! She sure got teased for that one.

But the truth is, Eva was a wonderful cook. She worked hard to make delicious balanced meals for her family, using their homegrown garden and potatoes, along with meat from their farm animals – steak or chicken, sometimes lamb, mutten or pork. She was fond of making a really rich carrot cake or spice cake with raisins, or yellow cake with chocolate frosting. She also liked to keep handy a bag of gingersnap cookies to have with a glass of milk. And Nestle Quik and graham crackers, for the grandkids. She liked her coffee black, and was never much of a tea drinker. She was known by most to be a “food pusher” of the sweetest kind. “Have you eaten? Can I get you something?  Are you hungry? Here, take part of mine.” I’m almost positive that anyone who ever knew Eva at all was asked these questions, at least once, every ten to fifteen minutes! Even a few nights before she passed away, she was laying in her bed, feeling so unwell, and a grandson, Trent, brought his kids to visit. She whispered to me, “I better see if I can fix them something to eat. Do you think they like meatloaf?” (We had been talking about her delicious meatloaf recipe a few minutes before, so it was fresh on her mind.)

Once grandchildren started coming along, Eva was right in her element! She had six grandsons and one granddaughter, me. – Wade, Lance, Kamber, Blaine, and Trent were Dennis’s kids, and Ladd and Shawn were Dallas’s. I mentioned she had a soft spot for children. Well, when it came to these kids, Eva wholeheartedly embraced her role as the most energetic, fun-loving, gentle, big-hearted grandma ever! She was a natural-born teacher, a fantastic story-teller and an amazing memory-maker. It’s true, she occasionally had to chase a grandkid or two with the fly-swatter, threatening a lickin’ for poor behavior. But I’m not sure she ever really caught any of us – maybe Shawn or Blaine? But I’m sure even if she did, she would have started laughing too hard to really give out any kind of punishment.

She believed in sleepovers, hay forts and tree forts and camping trips together with Lynn and big pancake breakfasts for the whole family together. I already mentioned the regular swimming outings to the slough… She even took a group of us hiking to the top of Steven’s Peak, on the Indian Reservation, twice in one summer! She also took us to Bible school for two weeks every summer at her beloved First Baptist church. She loved teaching us about how much the Lord loves us, and how to put our trust in Jesus. I believe she taught this best by example, just by showing us how much she loved and trusted him. You may not know this, but Eva kept lots of journals and saved and treasured so many letters from her family. I’ve had a chance in recent days to read in some of her journals. So often her entries turned into a prayer of sorts… she’d share details about her current situations, and then naturally flow into either praising and thanking God for her blessings, or worrying things out with Him, telling him her problems and concerns and asking for His help.

In the summer of 1985, Eva faced one of her biggest trials in this life, when her sweet Lynn died suddenly of a heart attach at age 62. In her journal, in those dark days that followed, she poured out her grief to the Lord. She asked for strength to bear this trial of losing her dear, wonderful husband. They had been married nearly 43 years. During this time of so much heartache, her sisters rallied around her. At first, they were with her nearly constantly, even taking turns staying with her at night. Her sons were there, too, almost constantly. And neighbors, friends and family offered continuous help and support in any way they could. She wrote in her journal: “Lord, I never ever dreamed there could be so much love and help shown to us. There has been so much food brought in from so many, many people. Yesterday, there was four or five tractors and bailers out, and got our hay mostly all bailed. So many flowers brought in, so much family here … I didn’t know we had so many friends.”

Eva was a woman of great faith. She struggled and mourned and ached for Lynn, but she put her trust in Jesus and accepted the grace and help He offered to help her through her grief. One morning, after a particularly rough, lonely night, Eva was awakened by a soft little tap-tapping sound at her bedroom window, very early in the morning. She sat up and looked out the window, and there sat a tiny, yellow canary, just outside her window. He stayed and tapped gently, then sat there perched on her window for a long time while she watched… then finally flew away. He was so beautiful, and it was so unusual, it gave her an extra measure of peace that she needed that day. The next morning, it happened again. He came and sat perched in her window, tapping and watching for a long time, bringing her a measure of peace and hope for the day ahead. I’m not exactly sure how many times she saw her little canary, but she told everyone about him, and was so excited. She had a strong spiritual impression that this beautiful little canary was a blessing from the Lord – a sign that Lynn was not far away, and that he still loved her and would be watching over her. She later wrote about this incident and it was published in Guideposts magazine, a Christian publication of uplifting, faith-filled stories.

I was nearly 10 at the time Grandpa Lynn passed away. As Grandma settled in to this new life without him, I got to be her companion on many rough nights in the months after he was gone. We lived just across the road, and I would walk over at bedtime and spend the night with her, often. Oh, how I loved that time with her! Even though I was a terrible roller and I’m sure I was not fun to sleep with, she only ever told me how much she appreciated me. She would rub MaryKay moisture cream on her face and mine, then tuck me under the covers, wrapping them up around my ears – she told me that’s the best way to sleep and stay warm. Sometimes I’d wake in the middle of the night to find she had left the bed and was sitting at her kitchen table reading her bible with a glass of warm milk and honey. Or in the bathroom cutting her hair! She’d quickly come back to bed with me… kids can be a good distraction, right?

This lonely chapter for Eva was long and hard. She spent a lot of time visiting with her sisters and other family. Roger and his wife, LeeAnn would come regularly to spend an evening watching television with her. And Dallas and Dennis both lived so close and would just do anything to help her. But she also spent a lot of time in her house, by herself, missing Lynn.

Five years after Lynn passed away, Eva attended her 50^th high school class reunion. It was there that she reconnected with Doug Malm, another friend who had grown up in Wapello. Doug had lost his wife, Erna, the year before. Doug asked if he could see Eva again, and she agreed to go on a date with him. After a short time of dating, Eva brought him home to dinner, to “meet the family.” We all got to know Doug and realized he was pretty serious about Grandma! On September 29, 1990, Eva and Doug were married. They both seemed to have found a new lease on life in each other’s companionship. They immediately got Doug’s motorhome serviced, and set off on adventures! In those first years after they were married, they cruised the country, visiting family and friends and every historical place they had ever wanted to see. From Seattle to Miami, and from Los Angeles to New York City – (I remember them telling how they drove that motorhome across the Brooklyn Bridge and down Fifth Avenue!...just about scared Grandma half to death!) Up the coast of Maine, and even down into Mexico! They loved every minute of it… they reconnected with family and old friends, and made lots of new friends along the way as well. Doug’s family just added more people to love in Eva’s life. Doug’s three children, Marty, Vicky, and Kirk, and 11 step-grandchildren as well as new in-laws and great-grandchildren as time passed. She loved them all and enjoyed spending time with them and called them all her family!

One sweet thing Doug and Eva did… each of them had been married for more than 40 years to their previous spouses, which is quite an accomplishment. Then, once they started adding up even more years, together, they decided to throw a celebration of 100 years of marriage – including all the years of marriage with their former spouses, and the new marriage between the two of them. They printed it in the newspaper and invited everyone to a party. And you know how Eva loved a party! She actually behaved herself at that one, and didn’t even start a water fight or anything. Ha! Doug and Eva were married for nearly 28 years. As Doug often affirmed, he “loved every minute of it! Life with Eva was just so much fun!” he said. “I got a second chance with an angel, and just feel so blessed to have such a wonderful, beautiful lady in my life!”

I think we all feel the same way, Doug; some people get just get sweeter and sweeter with time, and Eva was one of the sweetest! My Dad, Dennis, has always said, Doug has been such a wonderful blessing to our family in the tender way he loved and cared for Eva all these past years. We all feel really grateful that they had each other.

Just a few thoughts about these past few years of Eva’s life… A poet once said, “God gave us memories, that we might have June roses in the December of our lives.” Eva sure had some wonderful memories to brighten her December days. Once she and Doug were spending more time at home, and didn’t feel so much like going out, Eva spent many long hours buried in her journals and letters and photographs. She loved reliving sweet moments of times with family and friends from long ago, and would gladly share her stories with visitors. As her shortterm memory got hazy and she started to get disoriented about things, all her memories from long ago were what kept her feeling grounded and secure. As life came full circle for her, it was her son, Dennis, who took care of her needs there at the end, and Doug’s son, Kirk. Eva kept her sense of humor to the very end… One morning last spring, Dennis was helping her take her pills, giving them to her one at a time with a glass of water. She would sip a little water, then take a pill. Then he’d give her another one to take – so she would get plenty to drink at the same time she was taking the pills. As she got to the last pill that morning, there was still just a smidge of water in the bottom of her cup. She swirled it around, then looked mischievously at Dennis. Then she raised her eyebrows, smirked at him, and threw the last of the water into his face, with a big laughing grin!

On those last days when her oxygen levels were so unstable, the nurses and Dennis were especially vigilant about checking her oxygen with the little clamp on her finger. At one of those times, Dennis clamped it onto her finger and Eva said, “What’s this, a lie detector?” Dennis smiled, then patiently told her it was just to check on her oxygen levels. As the reading was produced on the little screen, Eva watched it and said, “Well! Of course, I ALWAYS tell the truth! See!” She waved her finger around in the air, with the clamp on it. “See, it says Truth! Truth! Truth! Truth!” Then she looked at Dennis and started giggling to herself at her funny little joke. She kept us all laughing and smiling, to the very end of her life. It was just her way.

I haven’t yet spoken too much of Eva’s faith and religion. I think I wanted to save it for the end. Eva was a faithful member of the First Baptist Church in Blackfoot most all her life. She was an upright, stalwart Christian woman of the truest kind. She was very involved in her church community and served on many committees and boards, helping with Sunday School and other activities. She was very instrumental in helping to raise the money for their new church building on Rose Road, and was very proud of that beautiful building. She also enjoyed attending a Saturday evening service at the Cowboy Christian Church with Doug these past few years. She knew the Bible well and loved the New Testament, especially the Four Gospels.

She knew and loved her Savior, Jesus Christ, and had a personal relationship with Him. His gospel was her way of life, and His strength saw her through her hardest times. In 1998, her son Roger died of a heart attack at the age of 47. This was such a sad, sad time for Eva, to lose her boy. And again, in May of 2014, she lost her son, Dallas, to a heart attack at age 57, which was so heartbreaking for her. Eva actually had to say a lot of goodbyes in the last years of her life – her parents, and Lynn’s, her boys and Lynn, of course, and all her sisters and brothers-in-law, her grandson, Wade, and most all her lifelong friends went before her. Her faith gave her strength to bear the heartache of each goodbye, and trust that Jesus Christ truly was resurrected so that we ALL can live again, and see and be with our loved ones as we depart from this life. She felt the true power of Jesus’ atonement in her life, and found joy in Him. I know this, because she wrote it in all her letters to me, in almost every birthday card, and over and over again in her journals. Near the end of her life, Eva often awoke from a nap with the feeling that she had just spent time with her mother, or one of her sisters. I believe the door between this life and the next was propped open at least a few times for her, and those angel sisters were just waiting for her. And Lynn and her sons and all the others…  I can only imagine the great reunion Eva has been having these past days, just enjoying one big heavenly party with so many she loved. May she rest in peace, until we all join her sweet spirit, is my prayer.