Our littlest Sweetheart

When Brian and I were dating, close to being engaged, he called me his sweetheart sometimes, and I thought it was a little too mushy or cheesy... maybe just too old-fashioned? But now I love it. And I call him and all our kids sweetheart from time to time. It's cute to me when I hear him say it to our kids, or when I hear his parents say it to each other, or to the grandkids. Lots of sweethearts around here these days.

Funny how love changes things, eh? Kind of like how I used to not like heart jewelry... same as the "sweetheart" thing, I thought it was a little too cheesy or something. But now I have several heart jewelry necklaces that I love -- one from Aunt Kathy that she brought me from Hawaii years ago, a silver one from Jen for Christmas one year that Spencer left a tooth mark in when he was little (makes it even more precious, of course), and a gold one with real rubies from Wade when he traded one of his engagement rings for store credit.

Anyway, this post wasn't supposed to be about me and my "cheesy" hangups. It's actually just a chance to post some cute pictures of Camill-ie baby, our newest little sweetheart...

One of her biggest fans, Spencer boy! He washes his hands every day as soon as he comes home from school so he can hold her and touch her.

Another adoring sister..

Congratulatory flowers from her daddy (to me, mainly, of course) when she was born. Aren't they gorgeous?!!

He had them delivered to the hospital, then we brought them home with us. They lasted a full two weeks! So beautiful and such a thoughtful gift!

Nap time with Dad on a Sunday evening...

More adoring visitors -- Aunt Dalana and Cole, Seth and Ella...

Her little travel suit for going out to her first doctor visit. Ha! She looks so funny and cute to me in this suit. I love it!

First bath at home. When Samantha was a newborn, a sweet lady from church taught me to wrap the babe in a clean, dry towel before putting them in the bath. Then the towel keeps the baby from getting cold shock as she gets in and out of the water. Plus, you can use the towel as a wash cloth, and it keeps the baby from being so slippery in the water. Genius! All four of our kids have always loved their bath and rarely cried.

Great Grandma Eva came for a special visit. So fun, and I just think they're both so pretty in this one...

A little photo shoot on a Sunday afternoon. I caught part of a little smile here...

Our friend Ann made this adorable little hat for her. So so cute!

Here's her little jeans Daddy bought for her during that first week after she was born. She liked them so well she wore them for half an hour before blowing them out!

 Trying on Samantha's glasses...

And Natalie's "pretend" glasses...

Snoozing in the chair with Grandpa Dennis this past weekend...

Anna Lynn couldn't wait to have her turn to hold Camille, and was especially excited because they have the same middle name.

That's our little sweetheart. We love this Camille baby girl so much already!! Can hardly get enough of her Newborn Bliss.

Just an update

This will be short, because I really DO want to sleep while sweet Camille is sleeping... at least for a few minutes.

But, I wanted to write a short "follow-up" update and say...
Still not all better yet. I went to the doctor last week for my follow-up visit, to make sure the D&C after-party was all good. After another ultrasound, it was once again obvious that the clot inside my uterus is BACK again. The pathology report from the after the D&C said it was NOT placenta or afterbirth, but was just "benign endometrial tissue" stuff?? And now, after the surgery, there's yet another clot there, same size as the one they removed that made me hemorrhage. Since I bled so badly, the dr is hesitant to operate again, and instead we're now trying the "wait and see" approach. As in, I'm sitting at home waiting to see if this clot will either pass or be reabsorbed by my body. We'll do another scan in two more weeks. sigh.

The way the doctor put it actually made sense to me: "We treated the first clot very aggressively with a D&C, and you ended up needing two units of blood. So, we probably don't want to repeat that path unless there are signs of infection (which there are NOT, so far, thank goodness). So, instead, let's try the ultra-conservative approach this time, and just wait a few weeks to see if your body plans to fix itself."

Here's to hoping for a smart body that fixes itself, eh!? :) Not sure why it's doing this, though. Not fun.

In the meantime, life proceeds as usual... only, I feel pretty weak and crummy a lot of the time, and our baby gets REALLY gassy at night and has a hard time sleeping (as in, sometimes no sleep at ALL between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m.). As a matter of fact, here comes 11 p.m. now... and she's starting to stir. I've been reading Gina Ford's "Contented Little Baby Book" tonight. Maybe I can will her into a better night's sleep with all my tips from the book? ha!

Other news? We went to visit my parents this weekend. I was feeling so cooped up and stir-crazy with all this postpartum nonsense. I just wanted a change of scene to maybe help my mood. It was really nice to get away, and to spend some time with everyone, even though our late-night baby time was quite exhausting. All my brothers and their families got together with us on Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon, which was really nice and so much fun for all the cousins.

Family time is very healing, I've decided. It heals the wound that hurts the worst right now... Still missing dear Wade so very much. When we're all together like that, I sometimes feel that he is near. And I sometimes ache even more than usual, but it seems to be a good ache, the kind of ache that reminds me it's okay to still be grieving and hurting. It's still okay to cry every few days, when I need to. Seeing my family also missing him helps, in a way. The other day, Spencer asked, "When can we go back to Uncle Wade's house? I don't remember what it looked like because it was so long ago when we last visited him." I explained that someone else lives there now. He understood, but still asked if we can maybe drive by his old house sometime, just to remember. I liked that.

It's bed time... or late-night-snack time, if I'm reading the little baby noises I hear correctly. :) Better sign off for now. Just wanted to check in. And while I'm here, I better add that I feel VERY blessed, even though it's still kind of a hard time here. I have such tender feelings for my sweet kids and husband right now. I'm so grateful for them in my life, and for all my family and friends. Life is a blessing, even the harder parts.

Post-Partum

I remember, days before Samantha was born -- more than eight years ago -- I was talking on the phone with my mom and somewhat out-of-the-blue she said, "Oh, I don't envy you this next little phase of newbornhood." Before I could even respond she added, "It's kind of like a little nightmare that lasts several weeks or even a few months."

I was naively offended, because WELL!! we were talking about a NEW BABY! -- my FIRST! -- and how EXCITING was that?!? She agreed with me that yes, it was exciting and wonderful, and she didn't say any more negative things.

I obviously didn't understand my mom's sentiments... until three weeks later, when I was up all hours, trying to figure out nursing and diapers and swaddling and binkies and stitches and healing and having another person completely depend on me 24/7, etc. Then it seemed like there was maybe something to that whole "little nightmare" bit. Of course it was also laced with that sweet newborn smell, and the soft feel of her little head and blankets, and all the sweet grumbles and noises and facial expressions and "firsts." I mean, of COURSE it was wonderful, and WORTH IT! But...

There's a lot going on during post-partum, ya know?  Kinda nightmarish, Mom... I admit it now, okay? ;)

This time around has been no exception for me. It's been a whirlwind of emotions, going from the "I'm not pregnant anymore!" euphoria; to the "what an amazing little miracle baby" amazed, teary phase; to the "am I ever going to sleep again?" delirium; to "AM I EVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN!??!" insanity; to "did I ever really catch on to nursing with my other babies?" inadequacy; to "how do I keep being a mother to those other three miracles??" frustration; and on and on...

It's all worth it, of course. And I really don't want to miss a moment with this sweet little girlie, because she really is SOOO precious to me!

But...

It's been kinda rough around here, folks. I'm feeling the baby blues and recognizing that although those are REAL feelings, they're not REALLY the way I feel -- if that makes sense? I'm a little lonely, and irritable, and needy. (sometimes more than a little, actually.)And my house is way disorganized and messy. And poor Brian is doing a GREAT job of being my very supportive husband, but I know he has a hard time knowing what to do to make me feel better. Ah, it's all very similar to past post-partum times.

Add to the emotional upheaval, another dimension of a post-partum D&C surgery last week...
A week and a half after Camille was born, I still wasn't feeling very good "down there." Lots of crampiness, or achyness, or something that just felt uncomfortable. My parents had kept Natalie for a full 8 days (BLESS THEM!!), and drove her back to us a week ago Sunday. While they were there, my observant dad noticed I was holding onto chairs and counter surfaces as I walked around the kitchen helping with dinner. "If you're in enough pain that you have to have support to walk around your house, something's probably not right," he commented. So, I went to the doctor the next day, got an ultrasound, and could see plain as day that there was "stuff" in my uterus that shouldn't be there. D&C, here I come.

Six hours later, (last Monday night, Feb 10 at 9 p.m., to be exact), I went in for surgery. I had this surgery after Spencer, six years ago, and it didn't go so well -- remember? That first time, I ended up with a perforated uterus and a mini C-section to fix everything up. I, of course, eventually fully recovered from that original surgery, thankgoodness! But I admit feeling a lot of nervousness going back in for a second round. Really... how many people do YOU know that have afterbirth left in the womb and need a D&C?? TWICE??? Yeah.

Well, this surgery went better than the first, but I still had complications and ended up with a blood transfusion -- 2 units, and an overnight stay in the hospital. My IV lines STILL hurt, a week later, plus they pumped me so full of fluid I couldn't close my hands and Brian and I were both laughing about my poor squinty eyes since I could barely open them on the way home. Ugh. Not so fun. (Brian advised me not to take any "selfies" during the days following that surgery, ha!)

So, I'm still on the mend from all that -- one week out, today. And, I'm still hoping/wondering if everything is truly healing up properly. I still hurt, and I'm still weak and easily fatigued. But I'm hoping that's all "normal??" I go back in for a follow-up with the doctor in two days, and I'm very hopeful that he will say "all is well" and "isn't it great that you've lost so much baby weight, being so sick these first couple of weeks?" or something like that, anyway. :)

I have hesitated sharing this, because it's felt a bit traumatic to me, and I don't want to sound overly dramatic by writing about it. Does that make sense? But at the same time, I want it to be documented. It's like that conference talk Elder Cook gave a few seasons back, where he told a story of a family in a car accident or something, and afterward the boy said, "I hope ya know we had a hard time!" (Anyone else remember that one??) Well, yeah, this post is one to say "I hope ya know it seems like it's kind of a hard time right now!" But truly, I feel very blessed and grateful for supportive friends and family... and especially grateful that it's not really THAT bad. :)

The good thing about post-partum is that it passes -- just like pregnancy. And then there's STILL this amazing baby girl even when all the hard emotions and achy, draggy body feelings are all gone. Yay! I have more to write, about other things, hopefully soon... And pictures. :)

She's finally here! And I'm finally writing about it!

Well, after so many posts of waiting and whining and wondering and expecting, we had our own little miracle baby last Thursday afternoon. And...
It's a... GIRL!!

After nine months of NOT knowing whether it was a boy or girl, we had a hard time picking a name for this little cutie. But five days after she was born, we finally agreed and felt like we found the right name for our girl.

Introducing: Camille Lynn, 8 lbs. 4 oz., 21 inches...

So, for those who care about all the details, I'll tell you about her birth. It was honestly my best, easiest delivery -- and fastest, unless you count Nat's C-section? But to capture the details, let's go back just a bit... 

The day before she was born, I went to my weekly appointment with my doctor. He said I was dilated to a "good 4" and things were "soft" -- both good signs. But the baby's head wasn't dropped very much, like it should be when preparing for labor. So... he told me to come back in the morning and see if anything had changed.

Next morning, I went in nice and early and the doctor said I was dilated to a 5, and the baby's head was down where it should be. I had been having some contractions through the night, though they weren't strong or regular. Because I was trying for a VBAC, my doctor was hesitant to send me home when all things looked very close to labor. So, he sent me to the hospital to be monitored for more contractions. 

Once they put monitors on me, they also got prepped to give me antibiotics since I had tested positive for Strep B. After a few contractions (still not regular or strong), they officially admitted me and gave me the antibiotics... which took three hours. I got to sit and watch movies and breathe easy through my mild contractions while I waited for things to ramp up. Here's me, watching a movie on my phone... 

 Looks like hard work, eh? :)

After the antibiotics were done, the doctor came in and broke my water... lots of it! Then the baby's head really engaged properly, something I could feel immediately. Our super great nurse, Chanda, asked me what my thoughts were for pain management for the next phase of labor. We talked for a few minutes about how so many of my friends have encouraged me to try going natural... no meds. I told her I wanted to see how things went, and then call her if I felt like I needed an epidural.

Well, folks... I caved five minutes later. That first contraction after the water broke was INTENSE! Brian was laughing as I whined my way through it, then quickly called Chanda to request that epidural. It was a full hour before I got the epidural, in which time I progressed to a "good 7." I'm telling you, that first contraction was the worst, for some reason. But I was very glad to finally get the epidural. Less than one hour later, I was ready to push. Four or five contractions, and our girlie was born! So exciting and sweet to see her!

So, here's how the "surprise" went... The doctor said he likes to guess if it's a boy or girl when he sees the face. And, he likes to guess the weight before the baby is actually delivered. Ok. Well, when he looked at her face, he guessed boy, then two seconds later said he was wrong and it was a girl. What?!? Confusing times for me, when I was EXPECTING it to be a boy, then all of a sudden it's NOT?!

But nope. She's definitely NOT a boy! (and personally, I don't think her face looked at all boyish, thanks, doctor!) They laid her on my stomach and she wailed and screamed, so sweet and amazing to hear those first baby noises. She was very covered with vernix. And squishy through the face, from all that pressure of being born. She was perfect...

After a quick scrub-down, they brought her back all bundled up and happy. Then it was my turn to get teary. I can't describe how wonderful it is to hold a new life and know I've been part of a miracle. Pure joy, and love, and relief, and satisfaction. Absolutely amazing!

Within an hour or so, Grandpa and Grandma Bishop brought our kids up to the hospital to meet their new little sister. Samantha and Spencer had both asked to wait until they came to meet the baby (rather than have Grandma and Grandpa tell them the surprise), so Mom and Dad could be first to tell them if it was a boy or girl...

I think Natalie was the MOST excited, as she proclaimed that she just "KNEW it would be a goorl (girl)!" Spencer said he also knew it would be a girl. He said, "I hoped it might be a boy, but I think I just knew it would be a girl. That's okay... maybe the next one will be a boy." :)

 And Samantha was thrilled that it was a girl, and said she didn't really dare believe it would be a girl, until she was finally born.

Her whole hospital stay, this little cutie was known as Baby Girl Bishop. Even the nurses got in on suggesting names for her (none of which were right, of course)...

She had lots of adoring visitors, which was so much fun. Grandma Bishop...

Grandpa Bishop...

Dalana and Mark and their kids (not sure where the other pics of their family are.)...

Grandpa and Grandma Hone. (Two pics of Grandpa Hone because he REALLY liked holding that baby girl A LOT!)...

My friends Anne, Angela, and Alyson also stopped by, but we didn't take pictures. :)

We had a pretty sleepless first night and I felt really exhausted that next day, so we opted to stay two nights and try for some better rest. It was worth it, to me. Thanks to a very attentive nurse, Tony, (our first-ever male maternity nurse, btw), Camille got all her tests and shots and paperwork done through the night, while I got FOUR hours of uninterrupted sleep. (my LAST four hours of uninterrupted sleep, it turns out. ha!) Heavenly. 

Then, we were on our way home with our new little bundle. Family shot before we left the hospital...

This little cable-knit coverall she's wearing here is one of our favorites. A friend of mine in London bought it when I was expecting Samantha. It's what Sam wore home from the hospital, then Spencer wore it the day of his baby blessing. Nat wore it home, so Camille got her turn to wear it, too...

Look at that peaceful, lovely little Bishop Baby face...

 We love her so much already. One week with her leaves us wondering how we were ever a family without her! This was, by far, my hardest pregnancy. But it was so very, very worth it, to see this little one safely here in our family! Yay for babies!! Yay for sleepless nights, and little wheezes and grumbles, and extra laundry, and 6-8 diapers per night, and all the equipment and extra stuff these little people need. We're ready for Round Four!!

Welcome Baby Camille!