More waiting for baby...

Sleep will hopefully come sometime soon, but I've been restless tonight. (2 a.m. now.)

When I went to the doctor last Wednesday, he was very pleased with my progress and told me things looked VERY good for a smooth delivery, sometime soon. In fact, he told me he'd probably see me that night in the hospital... or this weekend.

Nope.

It's felt like a verrrrry looooong time since that appointment (really? only five days has passed??), and still no baby. But on Friday night, I had a false alarm, thinking my water was leaking (because that HAS happened to me before, and this felt very similar). Brian and I went to the hospital for an hour or two while his parents stayed with our kids. No leaky water detected there, and no stable contractions to keep me there. The baby's head is down, but not at all engaged. The nurse said if the baby would drop, the water is in a position that it would most definitely break and labor would begin. But... well, I'm not sure how to get the baby to drop. Any ideas??

I've tried walking (as much as I can take, with my hip "locked" out, and my bad veins), moving around on an exercise ball, squats and yoga "butterflies," pineapple, spicy curry, more walking, some smooching, etc., mopping the kitchen floor on hands and knees, never crossing my legs, I even bought an eggplant because I heard something about eggplant parm working magic??... It starts to sound ridiculous, doesn't it? I think that's why I wanted to write about it -- for later laughs, I guess. I know this stage of pregnancy and remember well the irrational NEED to have this baby removed as SOOOOON as possible! It's like something snaps and my mind is determined that I can be pregnant NO MORE!

For a non-pregnant person, it's almost comical to see the impatience of it all, I know -- I've been non-pregnant a lot, and wondered why "she" can't just settle down and wait and "she's" not even to due date yet, etc. But now, being the pregnant lady, no amount of reasoning seems to appeal to the unsettled side of me that just thinks I might explode if I continue to share my body with a person who is sooo ready to be born already! Besides, I don't even KNOW if it's a boy or girl in there!! And it's about to drive me crazy! ( I confess to crying over this briefly as I mopped the kitchen floor the other day. And I should probably also confess to being not-so-nice to Brian about wanting a surprise, and then having to apologize for my pouty behavior.)

Ah, I know what any rational person will tell me... I can't be pregnant forever, this will only last a little while longer, if it's really our "last" then it's probably worth savoring the "last" of the "last" moments, etc. In my own rational moments, I tell myself those same things. :) I also tell myself that it's helpful to at least TRY sleeping in the middle of the night -- especially when I DON'T have a newborn yet, right??

So, off I go to continue waiting this out. Let's pray for a baby this week, okay? So I can maybe not have to have another C-section. :)  Wish me luck!!

Expecting... and Expectations

Well, I'm down to the last three weeks before due date. Yay! I went to Target this morning and bought a snuggly, soft wrap for taking the baby out in the cold, and some bassinet sheets, and some pacifiers, diapers, nursing pads, etc. NOW it's starting to feel more real!

It's also starting to feel quite real because I keep having nice, tight contractions. Nothing regular, nothing too painful or intense. They've been coming and going for several days now. But they feel "good" -- like things are progressing, this baby is getting closer to being "ready" to come! I'm relieved, because, of course we're hoping to avoid another C-section, if we can. (I did not like the first one, though Nat's head was perfectly shaped with all that little red-head fuzz.)

I find it interesting that I know my moods and my capacity much better with this pregnancy. It's like I remember what it all felt like, winding down to those last few days. And, it's helping me cope a little bit better this time around, I think? I told Brian tonight at dinner, I'm honestly okay with waiting all the way until my due date... if that's ALL I have to do -- just sit on the couch and wait, or lay in bed and read a book, ticking off the hours. In fact, that's kind of what I did, when expecting Samantha. And... it was a little bit heavenly, I must say!

The harder part of waiting for due date is that I still have lots of expectations of myself right now -- and everyone else kind of seems to have expectations as well. Surprise!! -- dinner still needs to be made, and cleaned up. The laundry doesn't just do itself. The little pieces of paper cut up by one of our darling children will probably remain all over the living room floor until I'm out of the hospital unless I stoop and get them, or carefully supervise clean-up for 20 minutes or so. The kids will NOT automatically wake up and ready themselves for school without a few nudges from me for the full 45 mins until I drop them off. The car doesn't magically clean itself out. Even the pens and pencils don't stay in their little "cup" on the counter without me constantly requiring the pencil users to put them back! Whew!

Saturday night, Brian had lots of work to do (never really came to bed, actually), but I determined the kids and I were going to have a fun little movie night, with popcorn and treats, before bed. I put them in the bathtub first, then went to get a Redbox dvd. I came home and someone had used the toilet without flushing... or so I thought. Turns out it HAD been flushed, and ... it was terribly clogged. My second flush sent disgusting water all over the bathroom floor, while Spence and Nat were still in the tub. What did I do?? I stood there plunging away, SOBBING like a baby, dry-heaving and feeling completely helpless to fix the situation. The more I plunged, the more the water poured over the sides, and the more I cried. (And yes, I had even been smart enough to turn off the water at the back of the toilet, but it wasn't helping, for some reason.) It was awful.

Brian heard me wailing, eventually, and came down to help take over and unclog the toilet. Somehow the kids got out of the tub and got on jammies without getting "contaminated" -- and I sent them upstairs to start their movie without me. Then I sat on the couch crying and crying because I felt so bad that I couldn't handle it all better.

See, in my mind, I just EXPECTED I could be brave and just fix it and clean it up and remain calm and sensible. But instead, there was Brian in there, doing what was obviously beyond my emotional capacity for the moment. So, a good cry was obviously in order, since I was letting myself down by not being able to deal with poopy water all over the floor, pouring out over my bare feet, at the end of a long day with several contractions and no nap. Ah... pregnancy. The hormones sometimes just take over, eh? And if not the hormones, then the fatigue and the overwhelming thought that I'm bringing yet another little darling paper-cutter/toilet-flooder miracle into our life. :)

I'd like to manage my expectations of myself (and everyone around me!) a little bit better. Am trying... am sometimes doing okay with it, sometimes not so okay. Whew. The better ending of the story is that I cried for 10 mins while Brian put his various "instruments" down the toilet and got the clog out. Then I pulled myself together, and helped with the clean-up. Once all the nasty towels were in the wash and the toilet tools were sanitized, I even told him to go back upstairs and work, while I finished carefully bleaching and scrubbing every surface that had been touched. Then I sanitized myself, popped some popcorn, and finished the second half of "Despicable Me" with the kids... even let myself laugh and unwind by the end of it.

See, at the first I said that I seem to know my moods and capacity better this time around, right? And then I told this horrendous story about how I lost it. But THEN, I pulled myself together and got back on track. I think that's what I'm talking about -- knowing my capacity. It's a good thing. And I hope I can stick with it through these next weeks.

Lots going on this week... Samantha starts her choir rehearsals again tomorrow, we're doing a big craft project for the church primary tomorrow, visiting teaching sometime this week, I realllly want to go see a friend I've been missing and thinking of at some point this week, dr. appt on Thursday. and... well, probably lots of other things I'm forgetting, since forgetting is something I do really well right now! :) Soldier on!! Right?? :) And as far as "expectations" go... for now, be okay with whatever gets done and what does not! That's the goal, people...

Samantha's special baptism day

 Our sweet Samantha girl was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints this past Saturday, January 4. I still remember the day she told me she had decided she wanted to be baptized ... it was a couple of years ago. She was sitting at our kitchen table and we were talking about church. She got a very sweet, serious look on her face and told me, "Mom, I've been thinking a lot about it. And, I decided that as soon as I am old enough, I want to be baptized and follow Jesus."

It was a sweet moment, and her eyes and mine filled with tears for a minute. I hugged her and told her I thought Heavenly Father and Jesus would be very proud of her choice.

 We took some special pictures of her in her white dress a few days before her baptism, so she could remember this special time, and so that we could make a little invitation for family and friends.

 Samantha was very excited to be baptized on January 4, 2014, because it was a significant date to her. You see, the way she explained it to me, she was born on the 14th, which was a MOST special day. And, now, she would also be baptized on 1-4-14... get it? 14, twice. Important date right there, as you can tell! :)

 The dress is one we got on a super sale at Costco in NY after "confirmation" season was over two springs ago. It has sat patiently in her closet, waiting for her special day. She has pulled it out many times on a Sunday morning and looked at it, then put it back with a countdown: "only seven more months until it's time to wear this beautiful dress... only five and a half more months... etc."

The week before her baptism, we had a special family home evening where we talked about baptism and what she should expect the service to be like. Then, Daddy took turns with each of the kids "practicing" baptizing them....

And then... they got to go take a big bath together with their swim suits and goggles, in our big corner tub, as the family night "activity." Nat was especially excited about the "gobbles" as she calls them. :)

Pool party!! Three happy kids...

Finally, her special day arrived! I wish we could have taken more pictures at the actual baptism, but things felt a bit rushed and hectic, so we only got a few. Here she is with her dad, before both of them went to change into their white jumpsuits for the baptism...

 And, a family picture...

 Grandma and Grandpa Hone happened to walk in right as we were finishing taking our family pic, so they sneaked  a quick one with Samantha...

All ready for the service to begin... Samantha and Brian in their whites...

Samantha and her good friend, Allie, both got baptized together at the same service. After the baptism, before each of them was confirmed a member of the Church, they sang a song together -- "If the Savior Stood Beside Me." It was precious. I had goosebumps the whole time, listening to them, so sweet.

After the service, we had all the family that could be there come over to our house for a lunch of crock-pot soups, rolls, salads and dessert. Aside, there were other family members who had planned to come, but weren't able to make it because of sickness. We missed them!!

One highlight of the "after party" was this snazzy fountain punch bowl my mom gave me for Christmas. All the kids LOVED watching it, and the older kids (8 and older, to be exact), enjoyed filling their OWN cups under the bottom drips of the fountain. Super fun!

Just a cute shot of the littlest kids eating their lunch.. and Samantha popping in for a hello. :)

And, not the best pic of it, but here's her very fun "number 8" cake that we served... chocolate magic cake, like what we had at her birthday. She chose lavender frosting and little pearly decorations for the top. Natalie "helped" make it, and was VERY eager to DIG IN!!

What a special, memorable day it was for our sweet Samantha girl. She got some very special presents from lots of different family and friends, and felt very loved and supported. It's been sweet to watch her these past few days as she's been trying her best to make right choices and keep those special feelings of goodness and warmth with her. She has her new scriptures out constantly, and is writing in her new journal, and her prayers seem a little more focused and thoughtful. She even bore her testimony in Sacrament meeting on Sunday, the day after. I sure do love her and am so proud of her. She really does try so hard to be her very best, and to be a peacemaker and a good example in our family. 

Congratulations, Samantha!!

Some Goals for the New Year

Very general goals here, folks, with very few "hard and fast" rules, and not in any particular priority order...

• More sleep, but also more discipline in getting to bed without the hours of "wind-down" time.
• More scripture study and prayer, earlier in the day.
• Less raising my voice, more remaining calm and not clenching my teeth and frowning out my frustration (mainly in regards to mothering, of course.)
• More good music -- on the piano, on Pandora, on the CD players, in our home, in our car.
• More hugs and smiles and I-love-yous and thanks-yous and good-jobs!
• More organized drawers, cupboards and closets (this excludes kids' closets, which only stay organized until they open them again tomorrow, so I am going to count that as one thing I can't fully control and should just let go of right now.)
• More blogging, journaling, writing, and photographing the things that mean a lot to me.
• Better attempts to keep in touch and stay close to friends and family.
• Less facebook time.
• More exercise, more fruits and vegetables, more crock-pot meals.
• Lots of meaningful family time, some fun trips, board games, home time together. 
• More routines, schedules, organized calendars for the fam.
• More reading, more good books and literature.
• More one-on-one time with my kids and Brian... and me.
• More living in the moment and being content with the blessings of each day.

It's been a crazy year for me, 2013. I'm glad to see it over, though it has had its ups and downs. I'm hopeful that 2014 will be a bright one, and that I'll choose to see its best side. Maybe these little reminders will be helpful to me. :)