My time

I've been wanting to write this post for quite some time.

But have had trouble finding the time.

See, I'm not even sure exactly how I mean the title of the post...

Am I talking about My time -- as in, I wish I had more of it to myself?

Or is it more of a statement like, My time, maybe with a little question mark at the end, -- as in, where is it going? how do I spend it? how does it slip away from me soooo fast?!

Or do I really mean it with a small sigh, like, my time -- something I used to organize and plan out, but now I just do what I can, when I can.

I guess the real statement here is that I have some "issues" with my time right now. I mean, I know I still have the same 24 hours a day that everyone has. But somehow, I feel like there's just less time to get it all done now. I'm sleeping less, showering faster, and still barely managed to be on time for church yesterday. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I mean, I'm doing laundry more often, vacuuming the floors more, shopping more, cooking more, (even blogging more) and yet my list of daily "to dos" seems longer than ever! How is that even possible?!

Ah, yes, I have THREE kids now, instead of TWO. And yes, I'm still "adjusting" to that new phase. But in my mind, it seems like it HAS to be more than just that. I mean, I kind of feel a little bit crazy right now. Not in a you-should-be-worried-about-me way, but in a way that I just can't focus on one thing at a time anymore. At all. I honestly feel like the proverbial chicken with its head cut off.

For instance, I started folding yet another load of laundry the other day. I found a pair of Samantha's tights with a hole in the toe. Oh, I thought to myself. I should go sew that hole really quickly, and she can wear these again. So, I go to the sewing machine and start to sew the tights. Halfway through the one-inch stitch, I notice the cap that holds the thread in place is missing. Now, where was that missing cap? I think, as I start looking around in drawers and on the desk near the machine. I move a pile of Natalie's clothes that are on the desk, and realize they are yet another pile of too-small clothes that I meant to put away. Actually, maybe I should call the lady in our ward who had a newborn and see if she needs some cute winter jammies for her girl. So, I leave the room, holding a pile of clothes, and call the lady and leave her a message. I set the too-small clothes on the back of the couch and continue with my laundry for a few minutes. Then I see the clothes again and remember I meant to clean out Natalie's drawers, getting out ALL her too-small clothes so the next size can fit. So, I take the clothes back to her room and start organizing her drawers, pulling all her clothes out and putting them in piles on the floor. But there's a couple of toys the kids have left in her drawers, so I start to put them back in the toy box and see that there are lots of non-toys in the toy box. So then I start putting all the non-toys back where they go... the spatula goes back in the kitchen. Is the dishwasher clean? Oh yes it is. So, I start unloading. Spencer comes to help and has a poopy diaper. Dishwasher still open, off we go to Spencer's room to change him. In the process of changing him, I notice his suitcase from our trip last week, still sitting halfway unpacked under his bed. I better unpack his clothes back into drawers, right? But as I'm unpacking him, I start to wonder where his little red Christmas sweater went. Did we leave it in Utah? I better check on the dryer and see if maybe I already washed it. Nope, it's not on the dryer, but there's my pair of jeans -- maybe I should get dressed? I take my jeans and head for the shower, passing the couch full of laundry again. The laundry reminds me of the tights and I head back in Natalie's room/sewing room to find a huge pile of Natalie's clothes on the floor, the tights still on the sewing machine, and that cap for the thread sitting on the corner of the desk. Ah..... You can see where this is going, right? Just around and around and around. Even more dizzying than it used to be.

At the end of a day, I look at my list of "to dos" (if I can even FIND it and don't have to write another one), and I do wonder where my time has gone.

Where was I going with all of this? I don't think I even remember.

Ah, Spencer needs me to find his blanket. And get him dressed. And I'm still not showered. And we have to go pick out Sammie's present from Grandma Eva and Grandpa Doug at Walgreens. And mail Christmas cards (that I stayed up till 1 a.m. writing, again). And we have rehearsal at 11 for the nativity that Samantha and Natalie will be in this week. Speaking of Natalie... I think it's time for her to eat again. Oh my!

Maybe it IS just three kids?

I do miss my time.

and I do wonder where my time goes.

Sigh. my time.