just some random pics and writing

 Hello. My blog, my blog, my poor, neglected blog! I should make it a point to write here, just so I don't forget how to be in charge of my own grammar, spelling and punctuation. For those of us with the smart phones and tablets -- have you noticed how they do all the legwork for you nowadays? I'm starting to worry about how my kids are going to learn and remember how to properly punctuate -- or even TYPE for that matter, with all these electronic handy devices that do it ALL for them! Hmm... something more to worry about, huh?

 Well, tonight I decided I just need to write. Because... it's just something I need to do. And I'm warning you now, there will be no rhyme or reason to my writing tonight. I'm just here to write, k? And I added pictures in case you were hoping for pictures. :)

Once upon a time, when I was in high school, I wrote notes to my friends at school every single day of the school year -- even multiple notes a day, to multiple friends! And, usually every month or so, I would write a long, heartfelt letter to whatever guy I was pining over. Then, in college, I wrote even more letters-- to my parents, and to boyfriends, and to cousins. I wrote lots of long, fun letters, expressing my thoughts and feelings. Later, they turned into emails -- thousands of emails, in fact -- to friends, family, boyfriends. You can ask Brian about the many less productive DTR emails we sent back and forth back in the day. I also wrote journals through all this time. I wrote enough in my journals that I have friends who still call me to get the details they don't remember anymore; I check the journal and get all the facts. :)

Then the blog was born and I continued to write. And I loved it, and I needed it. And I thrived. And I still love to reread past blog posts and am so glad for all I have written here! And then... there was facebook, and four kids, and the blog kinda died. But...

I still need to write. I still need to vent and explore and emote. So, I want to come back. Promise. It's just super hard to find the time these days. Really!! I don't know where these super blogger ladies find the time! Like, my favorite cooking blog lady -- melskitchencafe -- she's posting new recipes and writing about them almost every day of the week! How does she even DO that?!!? -- try a new recipe (which includes shopping for those ingredients, cooking the food for her family), take pictures of it, then write about it for the blog, all the while raising her FIVE kids!?? She even kept it up through her last pregnancy, and she admitted to morning sickness! Wowza!

I'm not that dedicated, but I do want to write more...

 Anyway, today was a rough one. I stayed up late canning pears last night. It was a mistake. I woke up too early with a perky baby. (I was NOT perky!) I never really recovered from my groggy, grouchy state all day. I'd like to say, "lesson learned" but here I am at nearly midnight again, feeling compelled to sit here and WRITE instead of sleep.

Anyway, the roughness of today was partly from my overtired emotional state. It was partly from the many loads of clean laundry that I still haven't folded, partly from the "to do" list of groceries and piano lessons and homework and relief society stuff.. and my aching back that needs a chiropractor again. And... I guess I was also feeling a little self pity because Brian has been working sooooo much and is soooo overwhelmed and exhausted. And I just don't feel like I should complain to him when he is truly overwhelmed and handling it like a champ! So, instead of complaining to him as much as I'd like, I hold it in and have a little pity party. poor me!

 Okay, subject change... Aren't these the cutest little pictures of our Spencer boy!?! He lost that first top tooth when we were in Utah last month. He was soooo super excited about it, and he just looked so darling with his gap! He was sleeping in Brent and Jen's playroom, in the "pirate ship" cubby, and the tooth fairy had to come visit him there!! She must have had a hard time, because she ended up leaving his tooth AND his money. He got soooo excited about that, and came to wake me up and tell me at some unearthly hour the next morning. He told me his plan was to trick the tooth fairy and put that same tooth under his pillow AGAIN in a few weeks, so he could get even MORE money from her. Haha!!

Let's talk about Wade for a minute. I just think about him all. the. time. I wonder where he is and what is must be like. I miss him, and wonder if he misses us and thinks about us where he is. I drank one of those Rockstar energy drinks today, sort of in honor of him -- and sort of because I was sooo super tired and thought it might be some secret silver bullet to make me feel better. It didn't work. It made me miss him even MORE, and it made me really loopy and shaky and nauseated. I cried all the way home from the grocery store, drinking my Rockstar drink and thinking of Wade. Not all days are hard "Wade" days. But sometimes they are, and sometimes crying it out is the only way to eventually feel better and let go of some of that sad feeling of missing him.

I went with Samantha to her piano lesson today. She started taking from a new teacher last week, and I didn't have time to really meet her teacher and understand "expectations" at her first lesson. So, I sat on the couch at the piano teacher's house and nursed Camille while Sister Maynard taught Samantha. It was such a treat! I just sat there holding my baby, while I thought about the sweet young lady my girl is becoming. I watched her take instruction and learn new concepts quickly. I listened to her ask questions and accept mild criticism with confidence. I loved having that time to just be with my Samantha and think about her for a few minutes. It was like a little parenting "lift" for me... to see her making progress at learning a new talent.

 This picture (above) is a picture of a drawing of my mom's parents, when they were young. The actual drawing is hanging on the wall at my uncle and aunt's house in Utah. I took a pic of it when we were there this summer. I have always loved this drawing, because I think they were both such beautiful people. I wish I had known them when they were young and vibrant and in love with each other. They divorced when I was very young, and both of them struggled in their later life, but they were wonderful parents -- raised 9 children together!! -- and I would LOVE to have learned more from them! Maybe after this life we can re-watch history from this earth life in some way? Wouldn't that be neat?!

 I'm going to bed now... to sleep, I mean. But first a couple of darling pictures of my little girlies. Now that school's back in session, I get to spend my days with Camille and Natalie darling. And it's a fun way to do things! Natalie and I joined a coop preschool group, with a bunch of other moms from a different ward. It's been fun for both of us to get to know some new people, and have some structured activities and learning for Nat. We took our turn hosting preschool at our house this week. It was fun! Nat was proud to show off her house, her toys, her room, etc. And the kids seemed to enjoy the crafts and stories and activities. But we did the "Going on a Bear Hunt" story, and they all thought it got too long. ha! Funny kids!

Okay, dear blog. I'm off to bed now. And I want to repent of my late-night ways and truly become an earlier bedtime person.. and a workout/exercise person... and a consistent blogger. And while I'm at it, maybe I should become a super organized, energetic, non-yelling mom!! wish me luck.....