Spencer, my boy

Dear Spencer,
There is a place in my heart that is yours, and yours alone. You are my boy -- the one I dreamed of before I ever knew I would have children. Your blue eyes are gifts from your Grandpa Hone, who you resemble in all of your baby pictures. You are the one that looks like the Hone side of the family-- the connection to my childhood. When someone says you look like Blaine used to look when he was little, I agree and smile and feel a little extra connection with you for that.

When you laugh and smile, something in my insides melts with a warmth that's hard to describe. I get you. I get your jokes and your quirks and your need for space sometimes. Your humor matches mine; from the time you were tiny, you've understood my teasing and enjoyed laughing with me. Your jokes make me laugh, too. These things are a light in my life, a light that I love and need.

I respect you. There's so much going on in your mind, always. You are bright, intelligent, smart beyond your years. You have an excellent, amazing memory and an ability to choose your words carefully, so that you mean what you say. You have a sense of reason, a sense of calm observance of the world around you. I want to understand things the way you do. You see sides to life, sides to people that are often hidden. You are slow to trust, but fiercely loyal, like me. And probably like your dad, too, actually.

When I see you feeling sad, I cry inside with you. I pray for you, and plead with Heavenly Father to send you an extra source of comfort and strength. I feel a sense of your pain, even when I don't fully understand it all. When I see you learning, or building, or creating... your mind is so active, so engaged, so alive! It's thrilling to be on the sidelines, watching you grow and progress in the way I know Heavenly Father has designed for you. He loves you so much and has great plans for you. You are my boy, and His boy, too.

I love my memories of when you were a baby and a little toddler. You had the sweetest smile and bluest eyes, even then. I loved cuddling you close in my bed in the early morning hours, watching you learn to roll and crawl and walk -- use that amazing body of yours! You were cautious and observant, even then. But you were also determined and so happy.  You loved water, and trains, and dogs -- until you learned that they poop a lot. haha!

You loved your Daddy soooo much when you were little. You loved spending time with him, and ached for him when he was too busy. I've loved watching that bond with your Dad grow through the years. I see how he supports you and believes in you and wants such good things for you. And I'm so grateful you have his influence and his protection and guidance for your path ahead. I hope and pray you will always feel close to him and know that you can trust and confide in him. You're both my boys, you know? -- in different ways.

Spencer, I hope you know, as much as I love looking back at the little boy you were, I am even more excited and eager to see the wonderful young man you will become. You have so much to offer, so much to give and to learn. I've said it before and I hope you know it's true -- I LOVE watching my kids grow UP! As much as I cherished my babies, I'm even more thrilled so see you growing, progressing, learning what pleases you. I love our talks, I love hearing what's on your mind and answering your questions about whatever you want to talk about. Our nighttime visits together mean so much to me. I feel like I'm getting to know the real you when I spend time just talking with you.

Thank you for being the big brother your sisters need. I love to watch you being kind and sweet with Camille, and playing and teaching Natalie new things. They look up to you so much and will think of you as their protector and good example, if you let them. Samantha loves you, too. She thinks you are handsome and brave and funny. I hope you will always notice how she tries to help you and encourage you when she can. She has your same sense of intelligence and perception. And she's trying hard to be a good sister to you. I think it's so wonderful to know that we are in this family together for a special purpose. -- Heavenly Father placed us together to learn and grow and help one another with the most important things we're supposed to learn in this life. We're a team!

Spencer, I know you have hard days and times when you feel down and lonely. But I want you to remember and trust that you are never alone. No matter how you might feel, you have me and Dad, and grandparents, and cousins, and your sisters, and aunts and uncles... so many people who are here for you, who care about you, LOVE you, see so much that is AMAZING and wonderful in you, and want to help you be successful in all that you do!! You are so bright and capable and have so much growing and learning to do! I can't wait to see what you choose to do with your great intelligence and sense of adventure and spirit! I hope you can always see what a gift and treasure this life is -- and what a gift and treasure you are to ME. I feel so blessed to be your mother. Thank you for blessing my life by being my very special, one and only boy!

Love,
Mom