My trick-or-treaters...

I want it to be noted that I am posting about our Halloween the VERY week it happened. This is real blog progress, people. I mean, we're very lucky not to be seeing this post go up after New Years, right?

Unfortunately, there's not too much to show and tell. I didn't take many pictures at all, and we didn't do very much for Halloween. But it was fun. Here are my little trick-or-treaters...

Samantha was a cheerleader. I started to make the letters in orange, and was going to put BSU, but Brian and Sammie both wanted it to say BYU (underneath, it really said Seattle Seahawks, sorry, Randi, if you care.) Turns out, I shoulda put BSU. Everyone at our church's trunk-or-treat thing turned their nose up at BYU, can you believe?!? Oh well. Football snobs. For their information, BYU offers a FAR superior education.

Spencer was a bumble bee. We didn't really tell him about his costume until it was time to put it on. I was afraid he wouldn't want to wear it or something. I worried in vain. As soon as I mentioned "candy" he was all over the idea of putting on this funky suit. He actually called it his "candy suit" all night.

Here are some of the cousins, at grandma and grandpa's house. The three girlies were all dressed as cheerleaders, so they got their pictures taken together. So cute. Unfortunately, Samantha banged her knee on the table just minutes before the picture shoot. So she bawled all the way through them (played it up for the audience, I think). But she still looked cute...

And back at home with their loot, here's our little group. Natalie was in a little pink catsuit, and was oblivious. I never got a good picture of her, other than on Sam's lap. Maybe I'll put her back in it and at least get it up here for posterity's sake, huh? I mean, the kid will probably want to know what she was for her first Halloween. (And no, we didn't carry around a candy bucket for her, though I was sure tempted!)

One more, with Spencer begging to be done so he could dig into his "gween punkin" for more goodies...

Happy Halloween, everybody! If my kids' candy doesn't keep me sugared up, I might have to make more pumpkin bread. yum!

Other peoples' shoes

Last summer, a friend in our neighborhood had a c-section with her second baby. I rememeber I called her a few times to check in while she was recovering. And now we're better friends, and occasionally get together, or talk at church, etc. Well, I've been thinking about all the sweet things she's done for me while I've been recovering from this c-section:

She's called several times, brought over dinner, stopped by to visit, watched my kids, delivered homemade chocolate chip cookies, and just been sort of "on call" -- reminding me that she's happy to help whenever I need her. I've sooo appreciated her help, and it's started me thinking about some "deeper" things...

Now that I've been through a c-section, I think I'd be much more likely to really try to lend a hand if I knew someone else who has to have one. It's not that the recovery is so terribly awful -- it's not, it's just slow-going and a little more taxing than a regular birth. The real point is that I can sympathize a lot more easily, now that I've had this experience.

I've been thinking about that idea a lot lately, as applies to so many different areas of my life. See, when I'm reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses, I like to think I'm generally thoughtful and helpful to others. But then, I look at how much more sympathetic and helpful I am when I've been through something similar to what others may be experiencing. And I wonder, how come I don't do better at giving everyone the benefit of a little extra sympathy?

Some experiences to illustrate...

-- While we're on the subject of c-sections.... When I was barely 21, my best friend from high school had her first baby -- after 20 hours of labor and an emergency c-section. I visited her in the hospital, and probably brought the baby a little gift. But I had no idea what my friend was going through. Fifteen years later, here I sit remembering that experience. And now that I know what it's like, I do wish I could have been a little more helpful to her, somehow. But how was I to know?

-- Two months after our first baby was born, a friend from our church had a baby girl. At her baby shower, I remember my gift to her was all the necessary "stuff" for breastfeeding. It sounds silly, but I was sooo excited to give her the best creams and pads and sanitizer, since I'd just tried ALL the available varieties, and was confident about what works and what doesn't. It was one of those gifts that I would have LOVED to receive, myself.

Ha! How many times have I done that? -- bought a gift and felt so good about it because it's something I'd like for me? Is that being selfish? Or is that following the golden rule of "do as you would have others do unto you?" I guess I sometimes wish I was a little more perceptive to what other people really need, what would be most helpful and meaningful to them.

-- When Brian and I were dating, (or "non"dating, as we did for lots of our "courtship") one Christmas he gave me a guitar book of Peter Breinholt songs, since I was trying to learn to play guitar, and I had a thing for Breinholt music at the time. How thoughtful! He also bought me a Wallace Stegner book, knowing how much I had enjoyed the Stegner novel I'd just finished.

Hmmmm.... I kissed him for his thoughfulness, lucky him. And seriously, I loved those gifts, because he was really trying to think of things that would mean a lot to me. And they do, still. (Even though the guitar book is in a box because the guitar got lost in our move. sigh.)

Where am I going with all this? I'm not sure. I've just been thinking a lot lately about how to be more sensitive to other people's needs. It's something that's on my mind, and now on my blog. Someday, when I've got a lot more "experience" in a lot of different areas of life, I bet I'll be a very sympathetic, perceptive, helpful person. At least, that's the direction I'm trying to head. ;)

Isn't she cute?

A picture of our girl from this morning...

And one from yesterday, too...

She sleeps a lot. And eats. She growls and makes funny newborn noises in her sleep. She stays in our bed a lot, because we love to kiss her and look at her while she sleeps. What a sweetie. We love her sooo much!

Back Blogging: Crater Lake

This may not be so impressive to other people, but I have to write about our fabulous "swing by" trip to Crater Lake this summer. It was one of the highlights of my summer!

First, you should know, that I've been wanting to go to Crater Lake from the time I was a little girl. We used to have a big picture book with a lovely photo of Crater Lake featured as a double-page spread. I remember looking at that picture and thinking it must be the most fascinating place. From that time, I have wanted to go see it. I mean, hey, it's only in Oregon -- one state over.

We finally made it, on our way home from a family reunion on the coast. Yay! I figured out why it's taken me so long to get there... It's about an 8-hour detour from anywhere close to ANYWHERE! We actually took an extra day on our vacation, stayed an extra night in a hotel just to see Crater Lake. (Thank you, Brian!) And here we are...

A few fascinating facts about Crater Lake...

-- It is the deepest lake in the US, second-deepest in the Western Hemisphere, and one of the deepest lakes in the world, at 1943 feet deep.

-- It has no outlet or inlet, and the depth rarely fluctuates within 20-30 feet, depending on snowfall.

-- It was formed by a volcano (obviously -- you can tell by the name, right?), and unfortunately I don't remember how long ago, but it was several thousand years ago.

-- It's freeeeeezing cold. They say that people who actually try to swim only stay in one or two minutes, max.

-- There's no really good way to get down to the water's edge. There's a steep trail down to a tiny, thin stretch of beach (that's where people attempt to swim), but other than that, the rim is on average 700-1000 feet above the water.

-- They have boat tours across the lake (we didn't take one, because we didn't hike down to the beach). I just wonder how they ever got that boat in the water? helicopters?

-- There's an old hemlock log called "The Old Man of the Lake" that has been floating on the surface for over 100 years.

See, doesn't it just sound like a cool place to see?! We took lots of pictures as we drove the 33-mile scenic road around the rim. Here are some of my favorites...

See that little island out there?

Closer up, it looks like this (below). It's called the phantom pirate ship, or something like that. It looks so tiny from way up high on the rim. But in real life, it's taller than a 16-story building...

A side view of the rim, see how steep it is?!

This is one of my favorites, featuring Wizard Island. I love how blue the water looks in the sunlight. It was perfect turquoise blue, once the clouds drifted away.

Here we are, at the overlook for Wizard Island (which was actually a "newer" volcano that erupted within the crater -- one of several throughout the lake, though most don't reach the surface.)

Wide view...

And, one more look at Wizard Island, from a different angle.

If you ever feel like you'd like to see something pretty amazing, and you have some extra time, I highly recommend "swinging by" Crater Lake, Oregon.

Postpartum Epiphany

It's over now, and I'm all better now. But...

A few days ago, I was having one of those baby-blues days... the one where I weep over the littlest thing and think the world is a sad and lonely place, even though nothing terrible is happening in my life. Sound familiar to any other mothers? Actually, it probably sounds somewhat familiar to anybody who has ever experienced emotional moodiness (which is most of us, at one time or another, right?)

Well, so, on my not-so-very-happy day, I stomped my feet and gritted my teeth at my children one too many times. And I pouted through dinner, like a teenager. And I sent my Samantha to bed without any kisses (until she was asleep). And I ended the day in a sniveling ball on the bed, determined to cry myself to sleep, just because. I was truly quite inconsolable, despite Brian's attempts to cuddle me out of my blues. It was a pretty ugly day, to be honest. Even now, I think I might tear up, just recalling it all.

Yucky.

Anyway, there I laid in my bed with the lights out, stifling my sobs into my pillow, so Brian didn't get overly concerned. (Don't worry -- he didn't. He was asleep faster than I could sniffle... newborn days do that, even to daddies.) After awhile, my nose got so stuffy I had to get up and blow it, and well, then I ended up on the couch, whimpering to myself. I played a few hymns quietly on the piano -- one of my stress-relievers -- and ended with "Abide with me." These words kept going through my head, as I played and cried:

"The darkness of the world, I fear, would in my home abide...

O Savior, stay this night with me. Behold, 'tis eventide."

It was making me so sad.

So I prayed.

For a long time.

And then I felt better.

I think that's the epiphany I was referring to in the title. And it's the same epiphany I get whenever I need it. It seems so easy: I pray for comfort, and I receive comfort. I pray for answers, and I receive what I need. Every time, even when I don't recognize it. I love those sweet moments, though I wish I didn't get so whiny and sad in the first place.

An extra bonus epiphany from that night... As I was wiping my tears and preparing to head back to bed, I saw a little book sitting on our end table by the piano. It was about a professor who had terminal cancer and wanted to leave his parting thoughts for his three young children. (True story, called "The Last Lecture.") Well, I picked it up and opened it randomly to a chapter in the middle. He was sharing his thoughts about the birth of his first son...

His wife had to have an emergency C-section, and their baby was very premature. Both the mother and child were in danger, but both pulled through. The father described his feelings as he and his wife went through such a traumatic experience. It was interesting and very relevant to me, after just having had a C-section (even though mine was not so scary or traumatic.) He ended with the thought that, no matter what we're going through, we can either make it worse or make it better by the way we deal with it.

That's not a new idea, of course. (Life is all about attitude; it's 10% what happens and 90% how we respond, etc.) But if felt new to me as I thought about the way I had dealt with my rotten day. It was something I needed to hear, and something that has made me want to try to do a little bit better. I'm not saying I shouldn't have cried and felt down. I know that "down" days just happen. But I did determine that I can do better at ... well, at making things better for myself (and whoever else is around me), instead of worse.

And next "down" day, maybe I won't pout through dinner. Maybe Samantha will get her kisses while she's still awake. Maybe I'll let Brian cuddle me into a better mood. Then we'll see that epiphany put into action!

Remember Summer?

Alright, folks. All summer long, I talked about the many fun pictures I was going to add to this blog... when I had time. Remember? Well, that time has come. I'm to that sit-around-and-nurse-a-baby-all-day stage of life again. And I should at least do something somewhat productive while I'm so "less active." Right?

So, here and now, I'm vowing to backblog about the following:

-- Camping trip in June, with most of the Hones

-- Big Phelps reunion over 4th of July

-- The REALLY big Bishop reunion in Delta Utah

-- The other big reunion in Oregon

-- Crater Lake

I'm sure you're all very excited about this. Keep checking for more, because this time... THIS TIME.... there WILL be more! I'm serious!

Back Blogging: Camping in June

I love, love, loved this camping trip. It was such a fun start to the summer. We went up near Kelly's Canyon, by Idaho Falls. All my side of the family was able to be there, except my bro, Blaine and his family (they were excused for having a new baby 3 weeks earlier).

Here are the highlights....

First, we found a new way to drive across the ugliness of middle-Idaho -- by way of Craters of the Moon. It was a prettier drive with more to see, and not quite as boring as the normal freeway way that passes through what Brian's brother calls "Idaho's Protective Belt of Ugliness."

Don't judge the entire drive by this picture, which only shows the famous lava beds...

Brian and I were in charge of breakfast the first morning. We cooked an awesome spread of traditional breakfast fare (eggs, hashbrowns, pancakes, bacon and sausage.) When everyone was full, Lance and Brian cooked up the rest of the pancake batter into the most enormous pancake I've ever seen! It was awesome that it stayed whole! (And no, I didn't really eat it, even though I was "eating for two.")

The kids found this perfect little "hiking hill" that became their grand adventure --- going up and down the hill over and over again. Spencer found his own way "down" (pictured, in red), which left us with one less pair of jeans by the end of the trip, oh well...

The bike trailer was also a huge hit! Brian gave the kids rides, two at a time, up and down the road just outside our campground. Good exercise for him, eh? :)

It was Spencer's absolute favorite. This shot (below) was taken before we asked him to get out and let another kid have a turn. I shoulda taken an "after" shot of him screaming, but I was too busy trying to pry his little fingers off the bars to help extract him...

Our cousins came along, and brought their English bulldog, Bubba. I know, she looks dead. But that's just the way she looked. the entire campout. no joke. I love our nephew's look, as he checks her out...

We took the kids on a 30-minute nature walk, on a little trail behind the campground. They LOVED it. Samantha still talks about how fun the "big hike" was, and wants to go back so we can do that again.

They all took turns being "the leader," walking single file on the path. Sammie's at the head of the line in this one (below). Fun times...

Spencer found another new love -- the four-wheelers! He calls them shore-wheelers, and so do we, now...

Everyone took turns riding the four-wheelers, or at least pretending to...

Even my mom and dad...

We rigged up a pinata for the kids. I like the look on Brian's face in most of our pinata pictures... I think he enjoyed being the one to pull it back and forth. ha!

And yes, it was an authentic, red pepper pinata!

I was a little late getting the "after" picture of everyone scavenging for the candy (I had to help Spencer get some).

Dutch-oven dinner and cobbler. Yum!!

And lots of games (though I never got to sit in on the gaming, too bad.)

A gorgeous mountain sunset and songs around the campfire...

Like many really good camping trips, we got rained out Saturday night, and everyone left in a muddy heap first thing Sunday morning. But it was still a great time!

We stopped at this little one-horse town on the way home at their "city park" and ate our lunch sandwiches in this cute little gazebo. The kids loved the caboose...

The end of my first bit of back blogging summer 2010. More to come.

Natalie's glamor newborn pics

We are lucky enough to have a sister-in-law who has a sister who's into portrait photography. She has her own website (Pepperwood Photography) and is building her portfolio right now. So, she kindly offered to take some newborn pictures of Natalie, at 5 days old. I love them ALL!

As "the mom" I got the fun treat of sitting on the couch, visiting with my sister-in-law and her two sisters while they worked their magic with Natalie...

They created their own natural-light studio in the kitchen,brought their own props (I especially love all the hats), and cranked the heat up to 76F to make Natalie comfortable (while the rest of us were sweating).

I love this little close-up... maybe the most. She has my lips. :)

We've never had "professional" newborn pictures of our babies before, so this was an especially fun treat! Thanks, Alyson (and Jen, and Alysa)!!

The C-Section

Disclaimer: Not my normal post here... I may use a few womanly words in here, such as uterus or placenta. And this might get a little more "detailed" than some people like to read. (This disclaimer is mainly for my squeamish brothers, who will most likely stop reading here.)

So, this is the story of Natalie's birth, for those who care to know how it all happened...

I've mentioned a few different times that this birth was to be a scheduled Cesarean, and that's what it was. The main reason for the C-section was because of some complications I had after Spencer was born... the brief explanation is that after I delivered Spencer, there was a bit of placenta that was still in the womb. I had antibiotics for a few days, then a D&C (is that what they call it in the US, or is that a UK term? Can't remember which is which now??) to remove the material and make sure everything was okay inside me. Well, during the D&C, the tissue was quite infected and one of the instruments poked a hole in my uterus lining. Not good. So, while I was under anesthetics for the D&C, they ended up adding a laparoscopy to survey the damage and to make sure nothing else was punctured. Then they had to perform what I call a "mini-C-section" to stitch up the perforation, which was apparently large enough that they couldn't just leave it. (Thank goodness nothing else was damaged.)

Long story short, I woke up in a lot of pain, stayed in the hospital for a few days, and was advised that because of where the perforation was (way up high in the corner, where the muscle is thinner), I should have C-sections for any further births, because there was a chance that hole could rupture again during labor. Was that too gory to tell? That's the worst that it gets, I think.

Anyway, so all through this pregnancy, I was a bit concerned, just hoping everything healed properly, and that I'd be able to carry this baby full term, etc. As I got closer and closer to due date, I started getting quite anxious about the C-section. I had different friends ask me why I was doing a C-section, and well... as you've just read, it's not that easy to explain.

I also started wondering if it were really the right thing to do. My doctors read all my history, and agreed that a C-section was probably the safest bet. And then, they also advised me that if I were to go into labor on my own, and the labor proceeded rather quickly, there was a good chance I could skip the c-sec and just do a regular labor and birth. BUT, if that happened, there was still a chance that heavy contractions could re-rupture that perforation, so the wisest course was a C-section.

Natalie's due date was Oct 12, and the earliest our hospital would allow a scheduled C-section was at 39 weeks -- Oct 5. I kept thinking/hoping/sometimes fearing that I'd go into labor before then, since both my older kids were born 1 1/2 to 2 weeks early. I had contractions every day for 10 days with Natalie, but nothing regular; every time I started to feel like "this might be it," the contractions would stop and ... nothing. Sigh.

So, the day before the C-section, I visited my doctor one last time, just to see if perhaps I was headed toward labor and might be able to skip the surgery after all. No such luck... only dilated to a one -- barely, and no other "signs" of imminent labor. The doctor was really good with me, trying to help me decide whether I wanted to keep waiting for labor, or whether I wanted to go ahead with the planned C-section. He didn't try to convince me, one way or another, but talked about the pros and cons of each option rather neutrally, which I really appreciated. In the end, I decided to proceed with surgery, for various reasons. The main reason was because it felt like the safest solution, given my history. It was a tough choice, but I felt good about it, considering there was no way to look at my scar and see how it had healed, unless we did a C-section.

So, Brian and I went to the hospital at 5:30 a.m. on October 5th, for a 7 a.m. surgery. My thoughts on a C-section: well, I hope I can do a VBAC next time, if that says anything.... It was not my favorite "hour" of life. But one of the highlights was seeing Brian in scrubs (I think he may have missed a career as a dashing doctor.)

And, of course, the main highlight was hearing and seeing little Natalie as she was born. I didn't immediately get that "moment" where I felt a great surge of emotion about meeting my baby for the first time, because I was numb from the chest down, and I was freeeeeeeeezing from the chest up, and I was flat on my back with a dumb blue hairnet on, and there were 10+ hospital staff in the room with us. Trivial, I know, but those things kinda distracted from the "moment."

But I DID have a beautiful, powerful moment with Natalie once I was settled in my room and the nurse, Jennie, laid her in my arms for the first time. I love those memories of my new babies gazing up at me for the first time, and I will remember that look Natalie gave me, forever. Is there anything more amazing and wonderful than a newborn baby? I love, love, love being part of the miracle of life, and feeling the overwhelming love that just surges up inside me for each of my children as they come into our life here.

The good news about that perforation scar... The doctor was able to thoroughly examine it during the surgery, and said it had healed up really nicely and looked really healthy. I know, that means I probably could have handled labor without a C-section. But really, there was no way to know that without the surgery, so I'm okay with the fact that I went ahead with it. Does that make sense? I'm not really glad -- because who wants a major surgery? But I'm not feeling all sorry about my decision, either. Mainly, I'm just grateful that Natalie is here, and healthy, and I'm healthy and recovering more quickly than I anticipated. (No, I'm not going to "overdo it." Don't worry.)

Well, so, that's the story of Natalie's birth. It's kinda funny -- a few days before Natalie was born, I was thinking about writing down Samantha's birth story, since it happened before I started blogging. I might still blog about it, just because it was interesting (water broke on the Tube in London), and memorable (UK hospital and OB care), and so different from this one (midwives, "other" stitches, gourmet hospital food, etc), and I'd like to have it on here. Maybe some other day. For now, g'nite!

Newborn at home

On Sunday morning, Brian got Samantha and Spencer ready and took them to church (on time, amazingly!) I settled in with Natalie beside me in bed, and started thinking how special it is to have a newborn in our home. She just brings a sweet softness that somehow fills me with more patience, more love, more appreciation. I love it. I feel like I'm more calm and relaxed with Sam and Spence, and I just feel so grateful for the little (and big) things people are doing for me and for our family.

I laid in bed Sunday morning, just watching Natalie sleep beside me for the longest time, just reflecting on the change in our home, in our life, and mainly in me. I almost got up and blogged about it, but then decided to sleep instead.

Fast forward an hour or so... Brian brought the kids home from church and started getting them lunch. I woke up to the sounds of a full-on Samantha Tantrum, with blood-curdling screams, loud shouts of "NO! NO! NO!" and what could only be feet kicking the hard-wood kitchen floor. I just listened from my room, while poor Brian struggled to maintain control for several minutes. The innocent-looking culprit..

It sounded like the Tantrummer was put in time-out in the laundry room, and another screaming/crying fit immediately broke out from Spencer. It was milder, but still intense. Things calmed down for a minute, then I could hear Samantha again, then Spencer. Poor Brian. He later told me it was almost like WWIII was breaking out over what they were going to have for lunch. That's worth a battle, right??

I listened to the ruckus, then rolled over and looked at our peaceful little sleepy newborn next to me. Sweet little innocent baby girl... doesn't even hear the chaos, has no idea what's going on around here...

Life is definitely changing around here. Some of it positive, some of it we'll have to learn to deal with a little better, I guess. Everyone keeps asking how the Sammie and Spencer like the baby. Well, despite their increase in tantrums and whining, they really, really like Natalie, and have been very sweet with her. Spencer loves bringing me my water jug when I'm ready to feed Natalie. He also wants to hold her "by myself" -- which lasts about 3 seconds, just long enough to snap a fun picture like this...

Here he is, showing her his helicopter...

Sammie is such a sweet helper girl. When she holds Natalie, she really IS quite helpful. She loves to get things for me... a blanket, a diaper, the binky, etc. And she loves giving Natalie the softest little kisses on her cheeks and hands and head. It's so cute to watch her be the "little mommy."

And yet, there also seems to be some upheaval for both our older kids. They sense some of this "change" I've been speaking of, and they're not sure what to do with it. So, the littlest things become a battle -- even worse than before (which I thought was pretty bad, when I was 9 mos preggo). But I'm reassured by friends and family all the time, that it's just a phase and we'll just have to wait it out while trying to find new ways to maintain some structure around here. Right?? I'm sure that's all true... patience. patience.

Well, so, back to Sunday... Poor Brian got the worst of it from the "unsettled older siblings," while I laid there in the other room, just basking in the Newborn Bliss for awhile. But he eventually got his spell, too, thank goodness...