Wistful Thinking

It's only 7:15 am (which feels more like 5 am, as it's still barely starting to get light here). I'm not typically up so early, but I've been laying in bed awake this morning, thinking of things I need to do today. Finally this baby started kicking for breakfast, so... we're up and moving now. I wanted to write yesterday anyway, but didn't make time.

I've been going through a phase that seems to hit me every fall. I guess I'll call it "wistful thinking." It's that time of year when I sit watching leaves fall from trees, fondly remembering autumns and winters past. (And yes, even with Samantha, I've found time to sit and ponder these deep things of life, shock!) Sometimes the things I think of are good memories, sometime they leave a few tears in my eyes. But I think I enjoy the wistfulness, the melancholy -- whatever it is. It sort of goes with the season, I suppose. These last few days I find myself pining a bit for places and times that I know aren't coming back. But maybe the pining is my way of appreciating what's brought me to where I am now?

Well, so here are a few of the autumny things I miss right now:

• The sound of my parents' old fan fireplace in their living room. They don't use it anymore, but it was the signal of warmth, home and comfort when I was growing up.
• Stephanie's pumpkin bread. Okay, so she did leave me the recipe, but I have no canned pumpkin here and my oven always dries things out, so it's hard to replicate.
• Randi's lovely PUMPKINFEST parties every fall. Everyone has to bring an item that has been made with pumpkin, and we all gorge for hours. It was PUMPKINFEST that actually helped me learn to appreciate that fine vegetable. (And yes, PUMPKINFEST is always, always capitalized.)
• The smell of woodsmoke in people's chimneys. This is mainly from childhood, and mainly the smoke from our own chimney. But again, it's a signal of comfort and warmth for me.
• Mt. Auburn Cemetary in Boston. I visited that place many times, with friends and solo. The crunchy leaves there this time of year are most heavenly. I have pictures of me, Alicia and Randi stomping around there one Sunday afternoon -- some of my favorite picts.
• Apple picking. I know, they do have apples in this country, and I could probably go find a lone country tree and pick me some goodies. But it's more the company and the occasion that I miss right now.
• High school dances. I miss the primping with girlfriends and the anticipation of who will be at the dance. We had some great autumn dances way back when, even barn dances sometimes! (I probably sound like my grandma on this one, huh?)
• Burdicks hot chocolate in Boston. It's like drinking liquid chocolate, an experience to be remembered with reverence.
• College classes. This feels like the time of year for starting a new project, learning something new, sharpening the brain a bit. I miss the new growth I experienced every fall when I was in school.
• Walden Pond. I never got really great pictures of it, but it is perhaps the most serene setting in my memory. I love that place.
• Camp fires. And our old camper we used when I was a girl. When our whole family went camping, I had to sleep on the floor, which wasn't great, but it was close to the little gas furnace which was toasty warm. And, it's fun to remember those family times together.
• Thanksgiving. This year won't be like Thanksgivings at home when I was little, but it will sure be nice just to be home enjoying the eats of the season with family!

That wraps it up for now, I suppose. It's finally getting lighter and the day is ready to start soon. Big morning for us -- we have a little ultrasound scan to go to today. Say hello, baby!