First, let's start with this little dimple darling...
Oh yes, she's super-duper cuter than ever, and we just love her to pieces. But I think she must be teething or something. These past few days she's just been so... unpredictable? Her naps are shorter, her appetite is hard to read, and she's developed a VERY loud "yell" of sorts that she uses almost constantly. I mean, between bites at meals, during most diaper changes, and even when she's drinking a bottle or sucking a pacifier -- she feels it's her duty to pull the "sucker" out and give a good yell every now and then. Not so amusing after a few hours, let alone a few days. Oh, also, she has a great love of paper. She finds any little scrap, and into the mouth it goes. Today she was munching the American Express statement. It's kinda cute and funny, except she REALLY yells when I have to take away her "toy" and dig the remnants out of her mouth. hmm... Any thoughts on teaching her some better baby manners?
Well, at least she's very cute, even when she yells at me nonstop!
Then there's this little sweetheart...
Samantha really is pretty sweet these days, and she tries very hard to be my helper, a lot of the time. She has her moments, though. And they are not fun... Like, the big wide eyes and instant tears running down her face when I tell her she's played on pbskids long enough today. Or the stomping feet and sassy, demanding voice when I don't get her a snack "right this second." Or the whiny, sniffly way she acts so bothered if I do something without her (like, go running in the mornings, for instance). Yeah, these things usually get her in time-out, and leave me feeling wound up, irritated, then later guilty for being less than patient.
But she's my sweet little friend, most of the time, of course...
Now, let's get to the real "discussion" of the day: My Second Baby...
Who me??
Me????
That's our boy!! I am having the hardest time figuring out what to do for Spencer these days. I think I've mentioned it before, but he really does want to be a baby again, and I'm not at all sure how to handle this "stage." Let me give some details...
When we first moved here, Spence would occasionally say to me, "I want you to hold me." I thought it was sweet, and, when I had a few extra minutes, I'd sit down with him and cuddle him a bit. Well, that was every once in awhile -- like once or twice a day, maybe. And now? I hear that every five to ten minutes. All. Day. Long. If I can't hold him, he bursts into tears and sobs, then says "I'm too tired. I'm just too tired." Then... "I want BaBa (his blanket)." This happens at meals, in the car, when I'm working with Natalie, when we're out for walks...
I'm sorry, but this is the whiny part. Skip it if you want to. But I am going cr-aaaiizy! And I'm not sure what to do. I go back and forth between feeling like I should just give him a lot of extra attention, you know -- reassure him and just sort of "love him" through it... to feeling like I should just ignore it altogether -- so I don't encourage him. And when I'm not actively trying to deal with it through one of those methods, I also sometimes find myself throwing up my hands in exasperation and frustration. (Maybe I do more of that than the other two, actually.)
It's not just the "hold me" stuff that's puzzling/frustrating/annoying (can be any combo of those three, depending on how I feel at the time. ha!). He really does seem to be reverting back to babyhood? for lack of a better word. He tells me all the time, "I grow back little now, like Nattie." He rarely dresses himself, at meals he often wants me to feed him bites, he has virtually NO interest in toilet training. And if I push any of these things, I better be willing to put up with a nasty tantrum and lots of tears. I don't know if maybe he's sick or maybe he's not getting enough sleep? Or maybe he's just having a harder time adjusting to everything (Natalie, the move, the absence of Daddy, etc)??
Anyway, it's been rough. And I'm honestly not sure what to do for our poor little Spencer boy. Any suggestions? I'm open to whatever!! Actually, I should probably get off my blog and get online and find some "expert" ideas on how to help my toddler grow up, eh?! Just thought I'd vent a little bit here, hope ya don't mind.
Ciao for now...
10 comments:
Boy, that is so tough, Kam. It sure wouldn't hurt to get him checked out at the drs. Check the blood sugars, and stuff. But, when BJ was acting like that our dr. suggested that I just give him lots of hugs. I thought, "I hug him", but I started hugging him all day long...telling him I love him, at every moment. And then catching him in the act of being big (helping give toys to the baby), or handing me something, and then I would get overly complimentary about it, followed by lots of hugs, and kisses. It made him more secure about all the changes around him.
My other suggestion would be a reward chart for doing things like getting dressed or going potty. A sticker for every big thing he does.
I don't know. Good luck! That makes life really rough.
I really like all of those ^^ ideas! Aftyn has been having a lot of issues as well lately because of the addition of Bronwyn. And I have been getting upset a lot. Until recently when I decided that she's just being 2, and she's curious. Anyway, I just want you to know, I can understand a little of your frustration. Just keep hanging in there! And awesome job running!! I am more than a little jealous that you get to do that! :)
I think Lisa's suggestions are GREAT, Kam--but pretty hard to DO. I think I didn't have enough Patience when my little ones were young--to follow through with staying 'loving' amid the babyish actions, but it sure sounds like the good way of doing things. I've said lots of times--"Those who need a hug the MOST, deserve it the LEAST", so this likely applies with our little Spencer guy. (I think I probably used way too many "spankings" to cure undesireable behaviors!)
I'm delighted that you're running like you are, Babe, but I bet you're pretty short on SLEEP these days--so maybe just lay down and NAP--even though you CAN'T really!! (How's THAT for a mom's advice???) Actually, I'll just say--keep on keeping on. You're doing a GREAT JOB, my dear!! And keep remembering--Your Mother Loves You!! (Love, your Mom)
I agree with Lisa. I think the reassurance and extra hugs and kisses would help him know that you like him just the way he is. And maybe ease his insecurities.
But also at the same time ignore some of the other things, like him not feeding himself and tantrums when he doesn't get his way. I'm sure there is a balance between those things,the tricky thing will be finding it.
And I really like the sticker chart and I would add to that a reward when he fills it up. And have the reward be something only big boys get to do/have and babies can't. And of course stress that Natalie can't have whatever it is, and also the reward would have to be something he really likes.
So far I haven't had a child with extreme insecurity, (knock on wood)so I don't have any real tried and true advice, but I hope you can find what works for little Spencer. Good Luck!
I LOVE the book "Parenting with love and logic" It's a lifesaver. You can get it at the library. It has really helped with the parenting thing. Your kids are so sweet and cute. Moving is really hard on little ones. I moved so much as a kid and it was really hard. I'm sure they miss their family and friends.
Oh I forgot to mention. We do marble jars. The kids get marbles for various things(doing their jobs, behavior, doing a good deed etc.) They can cash them in for privileges (date night with Dad or Mom, extra reading time in bed etc.) Or they can cash in their marbles for money, 10c per marble. It works well for us. We take marbles away for bad choices too. What works well for one family may not work for another. Can't hurt to try it though right?
Kam, I'm so glad you posted this and especially glad for the wise friends and sister in law you have. Ava is the same. She doesn't try to be a baby, but she sure is scared to death of the world around her. I liked the suggestions you got. I'll have to try them. Good luck with Spencer. It's tough having someone cling to you and whine at you all day long. Really tough.
Natalie's pictures are ADORABLE. Seriously, what a cute face that baby has. I am in love with her and can't wait to see her in person.
I only wish Samantha and Brielle lived closer. Everything you describe about her is just the same as my 5 1/2 year old. They could be such good friends stomping and sassing together.
I dont think any advice I would have would be any better than what you've got above. But I feel for ya. Parenting is not for sissies!!!
Hi, Kamboni! I miss you!
Now, take into consideration that I am a barren old spinster, and spend my days taking care of an 81 year old man and not little kids...
I don't know at what age kids begin to develop reason and logic (sometimes I wonder if I have acquired any yet) but maybe you could sit down with him and make a list of all the great things that he gets to do because he is a big boy, and all of the things Natalie can't do yet because she's so little (Eg. Spencer can go down a slide, build a sand castle, etc., Natalie can't talk to Santa, has to sit in her poop until Mom notices...)
Or you could go the other route and TOTALLY indulge him. Order pizza for dinner and give Spencer a jar of strained peas...'cause that's what babies eat. I bet that would cure him pretty darned quick. Take the kids to the park but wrap Spencer up in a blanket, give him a rattle, and tell him to stay in the stroller because swings are for big kids, not babies. Make him watch Baby Einstein movies instead of Pixar's Cars. Tell him he can't walk anymore, he has to crawl everywhere.
And I wonder why the good Lord hasn't blessed me with children.
I don't have any expert advice for you Kamber except to just keep hanging in there. I'm confident that this is normal and that Spencer is just still adjusting to a lot of change.
Um . . . be consistent. If you tell me no or to stop doing something then stick to that even if it means lots of tantrums and crying.
Also, as far as helping him grow up . . . try to make being grown up seem really great! A good friend once gave me some advice to use with Passion when Kindly was born. She said to say things like, "Do you want some juice? ok, lets put it in a cup for you to drink because you're a big girl. Kindly has to drink from a bottle because she's a baby and she only gets formula but you get to drink juice." And this can apply to anything like playing with certain toys, watching cartoons etc. Just making the things Spencer does everyday seem really great and grown up and then emphasizing that Natalie can't do it because she's too little. Hope that's helpful. It seemed to work with Passion sometimes.
Good luck! I'll be thinking about you.
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