The Latest, and some about blogging

It's been awhile, I know. And after midnight is the wrong time of night to write, I know. But here I am, and here is my blog, and you're going to get "the latest" while the clock keeps ticking.

Here goes...
-- Brian: Back to working long, crazy, unpredictable hours. Poor guy. And when he does that, I do things like staying up too late, watching cheesy Netflix, blogging in the middle of the night since that's the only way he can check in on me :) and working on Joy School stuff at the last possible minute because I am supposed to teach tomorrow. Back to Brian, though. He's such a good man. Hardly ever complains, and really, I hardly ever hear him say "I'm tired." (Can you believe that, from this guy who sometimes sleeps like 3-4 hours a night?? for weeks at a time?!) I guess I say it enough for us both. He's pretty worn and weary right now, but is hanging in there.

-- Samantha: Kindergarten picnic is on Friday. She is so excited she can hardly wait. She also has a birthday party for her good friend, Anna, and she's already made a homemade "Hello Kitty" hat to wear to it. Adorable. And since Natalie is such a "Kitty" fan, she made a construction paper Kitty to hang on Natalie's wall, too. Double adorable.

-- Spencer: Found a new word today... "bars." I made a bunch of bar cookies for a missionary meeting thing that we're helping with for church. He got samples of all my crumbly mess-ups, and now thinks "bars" are the best. I've been trying to get him to call them "cookie bars" because I think it would sound cute. But he's sticking with "bars." He also has been doing much better at sleeping through the night, hooray!! (And knock on wood, so he doesn't come prowling again tonight.)

-- Natalie: Still screaming out her assertiveness when she wants something, and starting to willfully refuse various foods I offer to her. I don't like this "food" stage so much... I feel like all my kids started really developing their own pallet around 1 1/2 to 2. Freedom to choose is great, I get it. But freedom to refuse is hard for a mom to accept. I want her to keep eating those veggies, and darn, I really wish she didn't know what strawberry milk or koolaid was... but she does know. hmmm...

-- Me: Busy week, it seems. Joy School, I mentioned. It's our last day, hooray! And then tomorrow, there's a missionary thing where we're feeding 70 elders and sisters, and I had to make lots of desserts (the peanut butter "bars" really are superb, if you ask me!).  On Sunday, our ward is doing a sort of open house sacrament meeting, with a group from our area called "Sacred Spaces." This means that we'll have about 30-40 extra people visiting our congregation to see what a Mormon service is like. I'm playing the piano for a musical number -- just found out tonight. Must practice. Also, I'm helping prepare a little "Linger Longer" with treats, for after the meeting. Also I'm wondering how all the children will do when we have sacrament meeting last this week for a change... at quarter to 3 p.m. hmm...

That's the latest.
I should add pictures, huh? But I'm not because it's late and I haven't had the camera handy lately anyway. So, the other stuff on my mind is a "blah" feeling that comes and goes. It comes on stronger when I stay up too late and watch mindless television. (Drop Dead Diva, anyone ever wasted several hours on that one? funny, mindless, etc.) Where is my will power and discipline? Maybe I'm sending it to work with Brian?? Selfless of me, no? Anyway, in my state of "blah" I'm feeling the "blahness" of my blog rather acutely. Sorry, it's not the greatest reading material lately.

Actually, since I'm here, I guess I'll share... I think maybe I'm having a mini Blogger Identity Crisis. Is that possible? It's a self diagnosis, in case you wondered. I'm personally wondering if they have online counselors for such things? probably. I read a friend's comment today, where his friend accused him of writing a bleg (as in, "begging for comments on the blog.") I laughed out loud, and felt validated knowing I'm not the only one who wonders if anyone reads what I write. (And no, this isn't a bleg of my own, just a commentary, but you can feel free to comment if you feel so moved. ;) ) I guess, to better explain the identity crisis I'm feeling, I'll say that I've lately started wondering why it is that I write? Why have a blog, anyway?? I confess, I sometimes read the many famous mommy blogs (you know who they are -- cjane, nie-nie, design mom, nat the fat cat, ablogaboutlove -though technically they don't have kids yet). Well, I get blog intimidation, even though I'm sure that's not what they intend. (Aside: I'd never admit to blog intimidation before midnight, so aren't you feeling lucky I'm up tonight?)

I wonder to myself what it is that makes me blog?? 

I'm not getting any monetary payback, in case anyone wondered. too bad. And no companies send me free stuff and ask me to review their special products. again, too bad. I don't even have a real blog theme, you've probably noticed.

So why blog? Well, comments are nice -- thank you for those of you who do; they make me feel closer to you, the sense of community is nice, the fact that I'm able to share our daily details with my mom, and other family and friends who are thousands of miles away, is definitely a big factor. The journalish nature of being able to pour my heart out to cyberspace and let an unknown audience make sense of it is somewhat enticing. Being able to savor the moments of my kids and our day-to-day life "in the present tense" is important to me.

The truth is, often I'm standing at my kitchen sink doing dishes or making dinner, or driving down the road with my kiddos, and in my mind I'm having a little blog conversation -- thinking up a post and how I would write about some topic that interests me... "have you ever cut the top off a perfect green pepper and looked at how amazing it is from the inside? all those tiny seeds, arranged in symmetry," or "I crunched into an apple on my way home from the produce store this morning and experienced the absolutely perfect bite," or "will they ever grow out of this clumsy stage of falling all the time and hurting themselves and crying uncontrollably?" or... well, you get the idea. I'm thinking these things in my head, even kind of formulating them into how I'd put them on the blog. It's like I'm talking to someone, sharing the every-day moments, even though I'm not really blogging them; I feel like I have an audience, when I need one.

Am I the only one who does this? Please tell me I'm not. I even sometimes take pictures of kids and moments, and things, because I want to have them for blog material. Now, I know I'm not the only one who does that. (But maybe, again, I wouldn't admit this at a more appropriate hour?)

I don't have a real, defined reason for this blog. It's not like I've just realized this, or that I'm even going to make some "defined reasons" for the blog now. But, well... I'm admitting it here, for what it's worth. I know friends and family members who keep their blog especially for the sake of journaling their family's happenings. I like that, and I admire (and sometimes get close to coveting) their yearly blog-to-book journals on their shelves. In some ways, I guess that's what my blog is too. But it's something more, to me. Something different than just that.

Somehow, when I read other people's blogs, I like the idea of sort of being a fly on their wall, getting a peek at the insides of their life, their thoughts, their world. And it's very satisfying to me. And I like to think that when I blog, I'm allowing some of that "fly on the wall" observation for others, if they're interested. It's just a fascinating public, yet private, form of communication, to me. A glimpse... of... something??

My my, I'm waxing far too analytical, I can tell. Sleep deprivation, setting in. And truthfully, I logged back online tonight because I needed (and still need) to print more stuff for Joy School in the morning. Wish me luck, with four crazy kiddos on their last day of Joy School. (and yes, I'll take pictures with the specific purpose of possibly using them on this here blog in another post for your enjoyment).

A random ending to all my random thoughts about blogging. This is the end of my cyber introspection/naval-gazing. Hope you enjoyed it. Maybe next time someone should just remind me to go to sleep. :)