Rambling Update

I'm not sure what the title of this one should be, because really, I'm just in the mood to ramble tonight. Brian's been working like a crazy man... for months now. I miss him tonight. A lot. And I miss my friends that live here, who are out of town for the next couple of weeks. What am I supposed to do with myself, with all this time to "myself" (and my three kids, and my messy house and filthy car)?

I've been reading Stephanie Nielson's book, Heaven Is Here. I got it as a birthday gift last week. It's a very touching read -- makes me feel very tender toward my family these days. I've also been working on my own story -- the one about me and Brian and how it took us (mainly me) forever to figure out that we belong together. And I've been staying up too late and suffering from slight insomnia, I think because Brian's working so much, and also because it keeps being too hot. I try to turn the air temp up a bit at night, but really, I should be turning it COOLER, so I can get some good rest, I think.

Anyway, in all my "spare time" lately, (and you can read that as the time I should be cleaning house and nurturing my kiddos), I've found myself alone with my thoughts, and appreciating the time for some introspection. I've been thinking about what's important to me in life, and what's not important, and what should be important, and what should be more important, etc. You know... lots of those deep, insightful thoughts about how I should prioritize my time and my life. And... well, I have no new epiphanies to share here tonight. But I've recommitted to be a little less critical -- of my kids, myself, my husband, my house, my friends, and basically everyone and everything around me. There's a lot of good out there, and I might as well be looking for it, right? And I've recommitted to take better care of myself -- which means eating smarter, getting rid of that last few pounds of baby weight, sleeping earlier and getting outside more. So far, so good, except for the sleep part -- will work on that as soon as I'm done blogging tonight. Promise. :)

I've also been thinking a lot about the many people who make my life so wonderful. Most of them live thousands of miles away from me. And yet, the people here that I've come to know and love are amazing, beautiful people too. This may be a personal quirk of mine -- I really and truly savor relationships and memories, past and present. (Or, maybe most people feel this way on the inside, but I just don't get to see it and feel it?) Even after paths have crossed and people I was once really close to have gone a different direction, I love and cherish the closeness we shared. And I miss those people and think of them, and love them. Not that I pine for the past or feel unsatisfied with my life as it is. Really, I'm a very happy person. I just have so many wonderful memories with so many wonderful people.

I know it's not nice to name names, but I have to give some examples of what I think about, so you can see what I mean by "quirky" and by "savor":
-- A perfect summer salad tonight, with greens, caramelized walnuts, apples, gorgonzola and sweet viniagrette dressing. I picked up the absolutely perfect bite: Alicia Buchanan, I smiled and thought of you.
-- Oreo Coolatta this afternoon with the kids: Erin, I thought of you, because you brought me oreos, and you would like this drink.
-- Old-school merry-go-round at the playground, pushing my kids a million miles an hour: Dad, I thought of the merry-go-round you helped assemble at the Wapello School 30 years ago.
-- Dollar-store jewelry trip, found an awesome pair of big dangley pierced earrings: Lindsay, I paid $1 for them, thought I'd see if you want them when you get back.
-- MAC lipstick and new eyeshadow this morning: Randilicious Johansen you'd be proud of the new shade. Scott Buchanan, you'd still make fun of me because I still hold my lips funny.
-- Little girl in the store with bright blue eyes today: Blaine, they were just like yours, true blue.
-- Scratching a mosquito bite that just won't go away: Leslie Friel, did you really tell me to put carmex on them? or did I dream that up?
-- Butterfly on Natalie's shirt. I touched it, tried to make her say "butterfly." She said "who who" because she wanted to wear the owl shirt again instead: Aunt Darla, I thought of you and how you love butterflies.
-- Chicken and rice soup. No matter when I have it, I smile and think of Joyce Farnsworth, and the time you brought it to me when I was so sick and pregnant with Spencer. Nothing ever tasted so good in my life.
-- Cleaned out my closet last night and actually hung up my shirts instead of folding them in stacks: Dalana and Cindy, you'd both be so proud to see it.
-- Toblerone chocolate bar, also a birthday present, is sitting in the back of my fridge, a slow indulgence I'm nursing along every day: Kurri, I know it's really Swiss chocolate, but I tasted it first in Canada, with you. Also, made Samantha try mac-n-cheese with ketchup yesterday, because I was thinking of you.
-- Got a Randy Travis CD for my birthday from Brian, no joke! Amber, remember when you shook his hand at his concert when we were 16, and you wouldn't wash it until your mom made you?
-- Samantha picked up several shiny, pretty rocks at the park the other day and showed them to me: Amy Partridge, I missed you and picking up so many rocks up Fred's Lane, so many fun little girl memories with you.
-- Thought about dying my hair: Marissa, I wondered what color you'd recommend, to mix things up for a change.

I feel like I should go on, because, what if you're reading and saying, "well, what about me, Kamber? Did you think of me?" The trouble with naming names, I tell you! :) But I also can assure you, that yes, I did and do think of you, if we ever had any kind of relationship or friendship. And if you're really interested to know, leave me a comment and I'll tell you things that remind me of you. ;) Every day, all day, my life seems to be filled with touching thoughts of people who mean something to me. Does this make me a freak? Or are there other people who just seem to remember it all? I mean, the more experiences I have, the more memories I'm making, the more I seem to be reminded of past memories, past experiences, and the people who made those moments in my life meaningful. And I like it! And poor Brian has to hear about it -- when he's around.

Anyway, I told you this would be a rambling, random journalish bit tonight. And I also told you I was going to take better care of myself by sleeping earlier. That time has come... Good night!