Just an update

This will be short, because I really DO want to sleep while sweet Camille is sleeping... at least for a few minutes.

But, I wanted to write a short "follow-up" update and say...
Still not all better yet. I went to the doctor last week for my follow-up visit, to make sure the D&C after-party was all good. After another ultrasound, it was once again obvious that the clot inside my uterus is BACK again. The pathology report from the after the D&C said it was NOT placenta or afterbirth, but was just "benign endometrial tissue" stuff?? And now, after the surgery, there's yet another clot there, same size as the one they removed that made me hemorrhage. Since I bled so badly, the dr is hesitant to operate again, and instead we're now trying the "wait and see" approach. As in, I'm sitting at home waiting to see if this clot will either pass or be reabsorbed by my body. We'll do another scan in two more weeks. sigh.

The way the doctor put it actually made sense to me: "We treated the first clot very aggressively with a D&C, and you ended up needing two units of blood. So, we probably don't want to repeat that path unless there are signs of infection (which there are NOT, so far, thank goodness). So, instead, let's try the ultra-conservative approach this time, and just wait a few weeks to see if your body plans to fix itself."

Here's to hoping for a smart body that fixes itself, eh!? :) Not sure why it's doing this, though. Not fun.

In the meantime, life proceeds as usual... only, I feel pretty weak and crummy a lot of the time, and our baby gets REALLY gassy at night and has a hard time sleeping (as in, sometimes no sleep at ALL between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m.). As a matter of fact, here comes 11 p.m. now... and she's starting to stir. I've been reading Gina Ford's "Contented Little Baby Book" tonight. Maybe I can will her into a better night's sleep with all my tips from the book? ha!

Other news? We went to visit my parents this weekend. I was feeling so cooped up and stir-crazy with all this postpartum nonsense. I just wanted a change of scene to maybe help my mood. It was really nice to get away, and to spend some time with everyone, even though our late-night baby time was quite exhausting. All my brothers and their families got together with us on Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon, which was really nice and so much fun for all the cousins.

Family time is very healing, I've decided. It heals the wound that hurts the worst right now... Still missing dear Wade so very much. When we're all together like that, I sometimes feel that he is near. And I sometimes ache even more than usual, but it seems to be a good ache, the kind of ache that reminds me it's okay to still be grieving and hurting. It's still okay to cry every few days, when I need to. Seeing my family also missing him helps, in a way. The other day, Spencer asked, "When can we go back to Uncle Wade's house? I don't remember what it looked like because it was so long ago when we last visited him." I explained that someone else lives there now. He understood, but still asked if we can maybe drive by his old house sometime, just to remember. I liked that.

It's bed time... or late-night-snack time, if I'm reading the little baby noises I hear correctly. :) Better sign off for now. Just wanted to check in. And while I'm here, I better add that I feel VERY blessed, even though it's still kind of a hard time here. I have such tender feelings for my sweet kids and husband right now. I'm so grateful for them in my life, and for all my family and friends. Life is a blessing, even the harder parts.