Other peoples' shoes

Last summer, a friend in our neighborhood had a c-section with her second baby. I rememeber I called her a few times to check in while she was recovering. And now we're better friends, and occasionally get together, or talk at church, etc. Well, I've been thinking about all the sweet things she's done for me while I've been recovering from this c-section:

She's called several times, brought over dinner, stopped by to visit, watched my kids, delivered homemade chocolate chip cookies, and just been sort of "on call" -- reminding me that she's happy to help whenever I need her. I've sooo appreciated her help, and it's started me thinking about some "deeper" things...

Now that I've been through a c-section, I think I'd be much more likely to really try to lend a hand if I knew someone else who has to have one. It's not that the recovery is so terribly awful -- it's not, it's just slow-going and a little more taxing than a regular birth. The real point is that I can sympathize a lot more easily, now that I've had this experience.

I've been thinking about that idea a lot lately, as applies to so many different areas of my life. See, when I'm reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses, I like to think I'm generally thoughtful and helpful to others. But then, I look at how much more sympathetic and helpful I am when I've been through something similar to what others may be experiencing. And I wonder, how come I don't do better at giving everyone the benefit of a little extra sympathy?

Some experiences to illustrate...

-- While we're on the subject of c-sections.... When I was barely 21, my best friend from high school had her first baby -- after 20 hours of labor and an emergency c-section. I visited her in the hospital, and probably brought the baby a little gift. But I had no idea what my friend was going through. Fifteen years later, here I sit remembering that experience. And now that I know what it's like, I do wish I could have been a little more helpful to her, somehow. But how was I to know?

-- Two months after our first baby was born, a friend from our church had a baby girl. At her baby shower, I remember my gift to her was all the necessary "stuff" for breastfeeding. It sounds silly, but I was sooo excited to give her the best creams and pads and sanitizer, since I'd just tried ALL the available varieties, and was confident about what works and what doesn't. It was one of those gifts that I would have LOVED to receive, myself.

Ha! How many times have I done that? -- bought a gift and felt so good about it because it's something I'd like for me? Is that being selfish? Or is that following the golden rule of "do as you would have others do unto you?" I guess I sometimes wish I was a little more perceptive to what other people really need, what would be most helpful and meaningful to them.

-- When Brian and I were dating, (or "non"dating, as we did for lots of our "courtship") one Christmas he gave me a guitar book of Peter Breinholt songs, since I was trying to learn to play guitar, and I had a thing for Breinholt music at the time. How thoughtful! He also bought me a Wallace Stegner book, knowing how much I had enjoyed the Stegner novel I'd just finished.

Hmmmm.... I kissed him for his thoughfulness, lucky him. And seriously, I loved those gifts, because he was really trying to think of things that would mean a lot to me. And they do, still. (Even though the guitar book is in a box because the guitar got lost in our move. sigh.)

Where am I going with all this? I'm not sure. I've just been thinking a lot lately about how to be more sensitive to other people's needs. It's something that's on my mind, and now on my blog. Someday, when I've got a lot more "experience" in a lot of different areas of life, I bet I'll be a very sympathetic, perceptive, helpful person. At least, that's the direction I'm trying to head. ;)