So, here's just a quick post for today... looking for some suggestions, actually.
Spencer seems to have a REAL problem with being TERRIFIED of almost everything! He's to the point where he calls out frantically for me if I even leave the room. (Even if I'm in plain sight, sitting in the adjoining living room.) All. Day. Long. He can't STAND to be downstairs if I'm up, or upstairs if I'm down, and comes RUNNING to me, wherever I am. Showers and bathroom breaks happen for me with him usually standing right outside the bathroom door, calling out "Mom?" to me so I can reassure him that yes, I'm still in here and didn't crawl out the bathroom window (yet!).
Nights are even worse... he just won't sleep. Last night he was up until after midnight, calling out to me or Brian every few minutes, just to make sure we were still here, still upstairs, still awake. Of course, he had a long nap yesterday since he's been sick. But even on days when he doesn't nap, he has rough nights, wakes up screaming at 3 or 4 fairly often, has trouble getting back to sleep. He wants us to stay in the room with him, which we've tried -- waiting by his bed for him to go back to sleep. That's not a feasible option because then he just lays awake, checking to make sure we're still sitting there every 2-3 minutes. And, if he DOES fall asleep with us there, then he's even MORE terrified when he wakes up and we've left his side.
Hmm... Anyone else ever experience anything like this with their kids? Any advice? Any good books anyone has read about this? It's not "night terrors." He's fully awake and coherent when he gets like this, and calms as long as I'm right there with him. (Or sometimes Brian will suffice, though he usually continues to ask for me when Brian goes to him.) I'm just wondering how to best help him through this. Some days, when he's following me all around the house, I am very patient and indulgent and just allow him to stay in his 1-5 foot radius of me. Other times, I try to help him be "tough," telling him that I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere without him, but that I need to go upstairs, he can be brave in the kitchen by himself...
Ah, so sleepy and frustrated about this, after lots of nights of broken sleep lately. Just thought I'd send a shout-out to the blog world. Even though comments have been scarce lately, I'd really love some feedback on this one, if anyone checks in. Thanks!!
10 comments:
Wow, Babe--I haven't a single bit of advice for you on this matter, except--Hopefully he'll grow OUT of it! (and that's not too encouraging while he's being this way...) I think you may need a real doctor's advise on this one.
This bronchitis he has isn't helping him sleep better, I'm sure--but I wonder if there's any kind of "sleep aid" for children?? It's going to be worse than EVER, I fear, when you actually LEAVE him for a few days, right?? I'm sorry, but I sure don't know what to tell you. Just keep hanging in there, I guess. Love, Mom
I was thinking along the same lines as your mom. I'd be really leery about giving my child sleep medicine but maybe there is some sort of supplement that's safe for kids??
Sounds to me like he has a fairly high level of anxiety and isn't able to control it to be to be able to get to sleep. But what do you do for anxiety in kids?
I just did a search and found this site that might be helpful: http://www.nativeremedies.com/category/children-remedies-health-natural-herbal.html
Also, Clara's chiropractor is also a nutritionist and has a lot of good info regarding supplements. He gave me some stuff to help with my mood. Let me know if you want his number.
Good luck! I know it's been rough on all of you!
Hi Kam~
So sorry - being a mom is HARD sometimes! Sounds like you mom gave you some good advise. I think I'd seek the advise of a good pediatrician if he didn't start acting like himself in a few days. In the meantime, take a nap whenever you can!
Hugs and Love,
Barb
There is an essential oil that you can put a couple drops in a humidifier, and it'll help him relax. There is lavender which will help him sleep, and there is one that helps with anxiety. You can run it through a diffuser all day long even. It is supposed to work wonders.
AS for the not wanting you to be away for a bit, I would start slowly with telling him that you are going to the fridge (5 feet away) and will be right back. Then, when you come back (5 feet) you praise him for being big, and brave, and give him a great big hug. Do that tons of times, about everything, and slowly over the next couple of days, increase the distance you are going. Always let him know how brave he was, and big he was. Even tell him he is a great example to natalie who is little, and afraid of mom leaving (even if it isn't totally true, it will be when she gets to stranger danger stage).
I'd also get him a blessing if you haven't already. Anxiety, even in little kids is nothing to sneeze at. If he needs comfort, he needs comfort. It's probably so frustrating for you, but the more patient you can be to help him through it, the better. Good luck.
o.k.-being the wife of a pharmacist, I know all the safe drug remedies for this kind of stuff!! Benedryl! Give him a little before bed. It can't hurt him, it is used for so much stuff...motion sickness, stomach aches, colds-there are a million uses.
I use it all of the time for my kids, and it is really safe. I take 2 every night myself to help me sleep better.
Of course, there are some kids who have the opposite reaction and act hyper. Try it on a Friday night or during the day some time to see how he reacts. It makes my kids sleep!
The scared thing is so hard! I don't know about that. If it were my kids I would try to make a reward jar/chart and try to bribe him or teach him about "super heroes" and how they are so brave. He might be more brave if he is "challenged" to be like his favorite super hero? I always have to trick my kids that way.
I hope it gets better for you though. You are a great mommy!
P.S.-I love your family pic. and I also keep having dreams about your family! Last night I had a dream that down the road from your parents house some people created a "village" like in Africa out of a corn field with grass huts and all. I called them the "village people" and we laughed and laughed and thought that we were sooo funny! I said that "huts" were popular in Wapello since we called my house the hut. Weird huh? You must be my dream girl! He He!
Oh Kam. You know we can so relate. I saw so much anxiety in Ava from about 3 to 4 years old and now all of a sudden she is all grown up. She'll even talk to or look at people (sometimes) now. And you know we had our craziness with night time too. She just grew out of that too.
Of course, I didn't ever want to give her any "medicine" for sleeping, but a number of people (Brian included) recommended Melatonin to calm her and help her sleep. It's herbal.
Good luck. It's hard especially to be the only one that he wants. At least you know you must be something special as a mother!
You might want to check out some health food stores for herbal sleep assistance. We got some for the airplane that seemed to help the girls but it doesn't always work on every kid but it would be worth a try. I can't remember what it is called but my friend in Chicago gives it to her kids every night. Good luck! That would be hard to deal with. I will try and call you soon.
Man oh man!!! I've never had to experience this. I am so sorry that you're going through it! Wish I had good advice for you :(
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